Excellency Fiddlesticks

Best.....and Worst Christmas Songs

2011-12-22T22:22:00.000-05:00

This year, seemingly more then ever before, has seen an abundance of Christmas music blaring from our radios. More and more staions have switched to the "Holiday Format", some earlier then ever, and with good reason: ratings just about double.

Here in the Fiddlesticks Estate, we've been at full on Holiday mode since the leftover turkey from Thanksgiving was stashed into Tupperware, thus I feel fully qualified to provide yet another in the seemingly endless supply of year-end lists.

Listed below are My 10 Best, and 5 Worst Christmas songs. The formula used for inclusion on the list went as follows:

{Lack of obscurity} x {frequency of hearing} / {personal level of annoyance}

It didn't seem fair to lump some of the older ones in with the more contemporary songs when compiling the "Best" list, so it's been divided into two divisions: Classic (pretty much pre-1964) and Contemporary (afterwards). The worst, by contrast, are placed in one, heaping, steaming pile, and weren't even numbered in a countdown format. There is no point, since the ranking of 1-5 can differ in my head often enough that whatever one currently playying usually grabs the top (or bottom) spot. It also goes without saying that this list is solely the my opinion, and your mileage may vary. On to the list:

Best - Classics Division

5. "I'll Be Home For Christmas", Frank Sinatra
No list would be complete with Frank, and this is his best. Nobody could hold a note and stretch it out like Sinatra, and this is worth it just to hear the way he croons "...Youuuuu can couunnnnnt on meeee"

4. "Mele Kalikimaka", Bing Crosby
What, not "White Christmas"? Nope, this quirky song about celebrating Christmas in the Pacific, pre-Hawaiian statehood, strikes just the right blend of old school weirdness and Der Bingle's baritone bellowing.

3. "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer", Gene Autry
The orginal, and still the best.

2. "Sleigh Ride (Instrumental), Various
No lyrics are needed to get the spirit of the season started. Bonus points for the versions which include the whinny-ing horse sound effect at the end. Impossible to hear this and not want to trim a tree or eat some pumpkin pie.

1. "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year", Andy Williams
It simply ain't Christmas around here without this one. In fact, just about any song from The Andy Williams Christmas Album could have been chosen as #1. Going with this one for the great energetic arrangement and the overall feeling it provokes. Try and listen to this and not be excited for Christmas. No, go ahead.

Best - Contemporary Division

5. "Little St. Nick", The Beach Boys
Points here for the simple fact that Brian Wilson wrote a Chiristmas song that didn't involve "Surfin' Santa", or Rudolph catching a wave. The signature sound of the group is apparant from the second the vocals kick in, and the song is short and catchy as hell.

4. "Another Christmas Song", Steven Colbert
Cobert expertly mocks the concept of starts cashing in by perfroming a holiday song perfectly. Funny as hell, and best heard while watching the accompanying video, shown below.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

A Colbert Christmas: Another Christmas Song

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

Video Archive

3. "O Holy Night", Josh Groban
Speaking of holding notes, young Mr. Groban can extend a lyric with the best of them, and he makes it seem so effortless. This is a perfect combination of a sweeping, epic song with the perfectly suited voice.

2. "Jingle Bell Rock", Hall and Oates
I chose this one over the original for two reasons. One, Daryl Hall is a much better vocalist, and hits just the right tone here, and Two, the backing band led by G.E. Smith is as tight as a drum. Enjoy it despite the cheesy awfulness of the video:

1. "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo", Trans-Siberian Orchestra
It's odd, because I was never a big Prog-rock fan, but talk about Epic! This is the angriest, awesomest, rocking-ist, most epic, bombastic holiday song of them all. Anytime you can hear a Christmas song and want to scream "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!" at the top of your lungs and maybe break something afterwards, well, you've earned my vote. Bonus: the light display set to this song is one of the coolest things you will ever see:

The Worst
In no particular order, as garbage tends to pile up.

"Grandma Got Runover By A Reindeer", Elmo and Patsy
See, it's funny because they're rednecks and the lady was kinda drunk and the reindeer didn't see her and now she's dead and Grandpa is too old/senile/indifferent to notice. Ha!

"Christmas Shoes", NewSong
So many things are wrong with this load of manipulative heart tugger, but I really can't say it any better than Patton Oswalt:

"Wonderful Christmastime", Paul McCartney
It can't be easy being Sir Paul, what with being a legend before your 30th birthday. Anything you do after that will always be compared to what you did before, and when you were half of perhaps the greatest songwriting team, well, ever, it can be a rough go. Writing a Christmas song, however, ups the ante, as you know it will be played ad nauseum for a solid month every year. Knowing all that, what in the hell posessed Macca to write this throwaway? It sounds like the lyrics were improvised during the recording session, and that squeaky cheeseball synth riff is the stuff of nightmares. Pathetic.

"Baby It's Cold Outside", any pairing
Technically not even a Christmas song, just a Date Rape Anthem which happens to take place on a cold evening. It doesn't matter who gets paired up to sing this, it always comes out as just plain creepy, however the ultra-creepiest version is from the Elf soundtrack, performed by Leon Redbone and Zooey Deschanel. Think about it, when they recorded this in 2002, Redbone was pushing 60 while Zooey was all of 22. Please stay, he seems to be telling her, because who else can get me my Metamucil?

"Snoopy's Christmas", The Royal Guardsmen
As I get older, I'm really failing to understand exactly what is was about "Peanuts" that was so appealing. Don't believe me? Try watching one of the specials today, then, look for the jokes. Not only are they not funny, they're sad. It is the most depressing crap I've ever seen - a miserable main character surrounded by mean, crazy, or stupid people. The highlights, it seems, were the Snoopy and Woodstock segments, which is what makes this attempt to cash in by someone called the Royal Guardsmen all the more depressing. Snoopy's Red Baron fantasy sequences were somewhat interesting, but trying to make them into a Christmas song where the main message amounts to "Hey, enemy, I would have killed you today but since it's Christmas I'll let you live! Merry Christmas, my friend!" Layer that warm message over some by-the-numbers late 60's instrumentation and you've got yourself a "winner".

Happy Holidays to all, and remember, once December 26th arrives these stations will all revert to whatever bland format they adhere to the other eleven months of the year.

Episode 12: Woodpeckers and Slippery Eels

2011-10-20T00:08:00.000-04:00

Join our hero as he continues his fight against some really stupid pests, rails against a populist know-it-all, realizes for once that he put his money where his mouth was, then relays two disturbing news stories, each regarding uncomfortable activity in the nether regions.

Episode 11: A Very Special Episode

2011-09-13T00:45:00.000-04:00

Join your host in a remembrance of 9/11 as he recalls his personal experiences, sees the web come of age, gets a one time instruction from his wife, doubts the truthers, and finds a reason to hate Major League Baseball.

Episode 10: The Dirtiest Decade

2011-09-09T00:40:00.000-04:00

Join our hero as he weathers the wrath of nature, explains the dirty, dirty decade that was the seventies, reveals yet another difference between men and women, cringes about what was found in a swanky hotel, and realizes what the most difficult job in TV is.

Episode 9: Caught Air Drumming

2011-08-24T00:31:00.000-04:00

Back after yet another extended hiatus, our hero returns with a vengance by slamming Yoko, scratching his head about people who don't understand The Onion, describes getting busted for air drumming, his hatred of the floor waterer, has a sad for an aborted hot tub three way, and hones his poverty detector.

Episode 8: I Said Good Day, Sir!

2011-07-17T23:29:00.002-04:00

Back after a brief hiatus, our hero hits the ground running with advice for newly-free Casey Anthony, wonders why the port-o-john peeper didn't stick with Google, relays why it's a good idea to wipe away your IT guy's access like, now, warns about what you may find in murky pool water, and has a party in his mouth like it's 1898.

Episode 7: Really, Japan?

2011-06-18T23:35:00.000-04:00

Our hero combs the Interwebs for weird stories, and the Net comes through in spades. Join him as he finds an exception to his aforementioned hitchhiker rule, discovers one man who severely overestimates the power of his badge, runs across a new product from Japan which no man should ever want, and finds some Japanese scientists who've created something even less appetizing than Soylent Green.

Episode 6: You're cute, have a kidney

2011-06-12T00:52:00.000-04:00

Where our hero sings the praises of cheap beer and the Golden Age of drunk driving, reveals the real reason behind his decision to become an organ donor, and welcomes another summer filled with carnies.

My Podcast Alley Feed

2011-06-02T08:04:00.001-04:00

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-056ae211afc455c44235f40ec5dccbf0}

Episode 5: Apocalypse Not

2011-05-29T00:41:00.001-04:00

Special post-Non-apocalypse episode, where our hero gives some free PR advice to Harold Camping, worries that another nutjob might finally get a smackdown, explains why we don't see hitchhikers anymore, and remembers the Macho Man.

Episode 4: Grow Old With Me

2011-05-14T14:30:00.000-04:00

The 4th edition of the show, where our hero muses on a Bin Laden-free world, Facebook cocktail parties, ponders why Major Nelson didn't cash in his opportunities, realizes he's in a advanced stage of middle age, and rants against the back-in guy. Also, we're now on iTunes!

2011-05-02T11:33:00.002-04:00

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2011/05/02/world/02binladen4_683/02binladen4_683-custom11.jpg

source: New York Times

Podcast Number 3 is here...

2011-04-30T22:28:00.003-04:00

The End Is Near!

It's the end of the world as we know it, and our hero doesn't feel fine at all. Why? First, one certain product exists. Second, a certain person hasn't gone away yet, while others just bother him. Third, some guys have a website which says our time is almost up.

Enjoy Episode 3 right here, right now, before it's too late.

I'll just leave this here...

2011-04-20T08:04:00.002-04:00

Happy 420 Everyone...

Ten Years? Damn.

2011-04-15T17:05:00.002-04:00

Hard to believe that the world has been Joey Ramone free for 10 years now.

Podcast - Episode 2 is here!

2011-04-15T00:23:00.005-04:00

Believe it or not, we've done a second podcast! Wow, this might catch on. Enjoy!

http://www.4shared.com/audio/iutADbhp/Excellency_Fiddlesticks_Number.html

Podcast? Podcast!

2011-04-02T19:14:00.003-04:00

It's finally here, the first Excellency Fiddlesticks Podcast! I kept it short and sweet (about 18 minutes), no bells or whistles. Give it a listen and let me know what you think.

Episode 1 can be found here.

Stay tuned....

2011-03-12T12:45:00.003-05:00

....big announcement:

For those of you who constantly wonder to yourselves "What does the author of this site actually sound like, and how can that sound be audibly communicated to me via thoughts, musings, and anecdotes?", well, take heart. Your wait is almost over....

For today, it is announced....the introduction of The EFCast!

Stay tuned here for the first installment, which should be up in a day or three.

Adventures in Navigating

2010-09-14T11:58:00.001-04:00

In keeping with my gadget buying strategy, which consists of "buy [said gadget] 3-5 years after the rest of the world has one", I recently purchased my first GPS. This particular model does not have some of the fancier features, like real time traffic (this will become an issue later). It was a gift for my wife, and while it didn't go over like the bowling ball Homer gave Marge (with "HOMER" engraved on it no less) for her birthday, suffice it to say it ended up being as much, if not more, a gift for me as for her.

I tested it out on some short drives, to places I already knew how to get, just to see how it would take me before moving on to actual long trips. A few observations hit me right away:

1. The Voice. A big decision to make for many. Without fail, all men will choose the female voice they find sexiest. Is there any doubt I'd pick the British or Australian lady, than assign an appropriate name to? No, there is no doubt at all. I call her "Keelie". (Ladies, this is an excellent way to learn more about your man. If he chooses Helga, the German authoritarian, for example, there might be some unresolved issues he needs to work out. YOU VILL TURN NOW!)

2. Arrival Time. What is this, some kind of challenge? You might have used some convoluted algorithm to determine that I will arrive at my destination at 8:32, but all that does is guarantee I will quickly yell "Bullshit! I can get there by 8:31!" Thanks Garmin, for having us idiots nearly mow down pedestrians just to prove you wrong. My lawyer is now on speed dial for the inevitable lawsuit.

3. "Recalculating..." - Another challenge for the obnoxious (like me) is to deviate from Keelie's directions, just to see how she responds. The goal is to see how many times you can make her say "recalculating" before either giving up completely on you and shutting herself off, or better yet cursing you out in that wonderful accent (Her: "TURN LEFT YOU BLOODY WANKER!" Me: "You sound so freaking hot"). So far I've not been able to produce either response, but it's certainly not for a lack of trying. Part of me is also secretly hoping for a Twilight Zone moment where it becomes self aware and starts being really specific when addressing me, ("John, you really should have shaved this morning.") More on this as it develops.

What struck me most of all, however, was how quickly I became dependant on the device, and what effect that will ultimately have. Map reading and navigating will soon become a lost skill, like knowing how to keep score at the bowling alley, or properly folding a newspaper while commuting. Mapquest? That's for PUSSIES! Fire up Keelie and let her guide me there!

This all became evident while returning from Eastern PA a few weeks back. Logic told me that taking the George Washington Bridge on a Sunday afternoon was a bad idea, but I wasn't 100% sure of an alternate route, and Keelie was telling me to go there so I blindly obeyed. The result? A trip which could've/should've taken a scant 3-4 hours took more like 7-8. During a pounding thunderstorm. Basically, THE RIDE FROM HELL.

Keelie and I fought that night, and likely will again. The trust we shared simply isn't there anymore. How can I listen to her after what she put me through?

Oh who am I kidding, Keelie, you know I can't quit you. C'mon, let's go for a drive.

Song Of The Day - 6/14/10

2010-06-14T16:38:00.003-04:00

The Darkness

"I Believe In A Thing Called Love"

Permission To Land

2003

Wow, a new entry! I must confess, since I started using Twitter, blogging just seems so last year. Exceeding 140 characters? Come on, how much time do you think one has during the day?

Anyway, I've been sitting on this one for awhile now, and every time it pops up on shuffle I remind myself about putting up this SotD. Enjoy.

First time I came across this was while seeing this video. Watching it at that time, I thought it had to be a joke. There was no other explanation - the stringy haired lead singer (Justin Hawkins) with the stereotypical bad British dentistry, the 70's era one piece suit front slit down below the navel, the headband, the whole Cock Rock vibe - no question, this was a Spinal Tap homage.

I had to admit though, the song was spot-on. If these guys were doing a parody, it was a damn fine parody. It didn't hurt that the video was flat out awesome, loaded not only with the elements mentioned above, but also with laser shooting guitars, a wind-in-the-face guitar solo in front of a 10 story stack of amps, giant mutant crustaceans, a spaceship, and our (allegedly) sexy lead singer singing on a circular bed a la Austin Powers. Did I mention the part where he is naked?

Repeated listening resulted in an absolute love of this song. It's a perfectly crafted throwback to mid-70's glam/metal, without a shred of the self-important bullshit that affected so many bands of the time.

The Darkness, predictably, couldn't ride this wave for very long. Like many of the singers whose style he appropriated, Hawkins went into rehab for alcohol and cocaine abuse, and left the band shortly after completing his stint in 2006. He was last seen fronting a new band, Hot Leg. The remaining members formed a band called Stone Gods, from whom little has been heard.

The Darkness' All Music entry:

http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:jbfrxqq0ldke~T1

Whereby I Unwittingly Freak Out Some Traumatized Folks

2009-10-30T22:53:00.004-04:00

I recently had the privilege of participating in a charity fashion show, acting as as escort for my daughter. I wasn't modeling anything, rather a mere accoutrement. In the spirit of the season however, the organizer asked that I suit up in a Dracula costume. I couldn't say "yes" fast enough - this was going to be cool. Anytime a Dad can embarrass his teen aged kid, he goes for it.

My wife did a bang up job on the makeup, as you can see. The whole thing was over in about 30 seconds, but was fun and worthwhile nonetheless. But that's not where this story ends.

Time constraints were such that we had to go directly from the fashion show to my daughter's ballet class. I had originally expected to have enough time to get out of the costume, remove the makeup, and still get there in time, but....things didn't pan out that way. I got the cape off, but had to leave on the makeup. No big deal, right? I figured I could have some fun with it, maybe growl at another driver, or better yet, another driver's kid in the back seat!

What I didn't expect was the decided lack of reaction I received. Sure, I got a few second glances, likely accompanied by thoughts of "Eh, it's almost Halloween, no big deal", but overall nobody seemed at all fazed by the Goth Dad driving along the highway.

After dropping her off, we headed back to the highway, and upon hitting the on ramp noticed some commotion up ahead. An accident had occurred, and pretty recently since there were no cops or EMT's around. It was quickly obvious that this was only a fender bender and each of the people involved was out of their respective vehicles, and talking on cell phones. After carefully navigating past the debris in the road, thus slowing the car to a crawl, I looked over at the woman comforting one of the other passengers. Again, it should be stressed that nobody was in any danger. It should also be emphasized that by this time I had completely forgotten the fact that I was dressed like the lead singer of The Cure.

I made direct eye contact with the woman, hopefully offering up some sympathy, saying, with my eyes, "It's okay, help is coming and I'm glad to see everyone is okay".

To say the woman didn't fully understand my implied thoughts would be an understatement, to say the least. Her expression was an odd blend of "What the...?", with a dash of "END TIMES ARE UPON US!" thrown in. I can only imagine what she told her significant others once this day had ended. Perhaps she now has a story to tell for Thanksgiving dinners for years to come. No need to thank me, ma'am, it's what I do.

Happy Halloween, everyone.

Where I Receive Misguided, Undeserved Sympathy

2009-08-31T20:08:00.006-04:00

I run about 6 foot 3 on a good day. Thus, any form of public seating was very likely not built with my dimensions in mind. The train in which I ride each day is no exception (see above for an example of the seats, minus the video screen, naturally).

However, when having the desire to snooze, I am rarely denied. The solution is to slide my back down in the chair, and press my knees on the back of the seat in front of me, which allows my head to rest comfortably on the headrest of my seat. This allows for a nice 10-15 minute nap on the way home each day and, on rare occasions, on the way in. The only consequence is the tendency for the circulation to be cut off from my lower legs. Whether or not this will casue me long term damage is somethign I choose not to think about, so strong is my desire to sleep.

Today was one such occasion. After displaying my ticket, I assumed the position, nestled in the ear buds, and slowly drifted off. Normally, the body clock senses when we are approaching my stop, and forces me awake well in advance, leaving time to get the blood flowing back to the lower extremities.

Today, though, the body clock must have been a bit out of sync. I recall being jostled shortly before my stop, and thinking "still have time....", then closing my eyes again. Bad move. The next thing I remember was being suddenly awakened as the train was stopped at where I was to get off. Luckily, the train was not going any further, lest I find myself in Grand Central Station.

I quickly scrambled my stuff together, and got up in an attempt to get off the train as quickly as possible. But there was a slight issue here - namley, the fact that both of my legs were pretty much dead from the knees down. After rising unsteadily to my feet, grabbing my gym bag from the overhead rack and securing my laptop bag on my shoulder, I tried to take a step forward. Not working very well, but full of pluck, I gamely Igor'ed my way forward thru the now empty train......I had, by my calculations, about 30 seconds or so to get my ass out of here. Lumbering forward, with slight feeling returning to one leg, I approached the vestibule. I had made it, and was about to be free at last!

But, but.....seeing the crowd of people walking past on the platform, and knowing I had to have some clearance to move while also having little to no confidence that I wasn't about to do a face plant, forced me to hesitate. Seeing a small opening, I managed to drag my right foot behind me and lurch onto the platform. Here is where the strange, sympathetic looks began from the other commuters. As I limped forward, the feeling inching its way back into my blood deprived legs, I noticed that the faces of those around me. In my mind, they were showing an incredible amount of sympathy/empathy for the obviously stricken, but barev and proud, man lumbering toward the escalator. Embarassed at the reaction, I finally hobbled to the moving steps, and hopped aboard.

Sensing the ordeal was about to end, I bided my time as the stairs slowly rose...and rose. Reaching the top, I took the big step toward non-moving ground, and nealry went straight on my ass. The right leg had relapsed! Now I got to limp anew, a bag on each shoulder, through the crowded train station, receiving more sympathetic stairs from passers by. I'm guessing most people thought me either brave, or stupid, I'm not sure which.

Finally, after what seemed like hours but was actually about 2 minutes, the blood flow returned, and the rest of the commuters resumed ignoring each other, as they do. Being ignored never felt so good.

The Rules, Once Again

2009-08-07T15:37:00.001-04:00

Just making sure I have it straight:

If you're a singer, and you say you're not proud of your president/ashamed to be from the same state, etc., well, by goly, you're an un-American scuzzball who hates Liberty. Insulting a president during a time of war is UNPATRIOTIC! What are you, French?

But, it's perfectly okay to call your president a racist.

Just another example of Glen Beck's Common Sense!

Posting From E-Mail

2009-07-17T22:20:00.001-04:00

Testing the e-mail to post function

A Week Later, A Word About MJ

2009-07-02T19:01:00.002-04:00

The death of Michael Jackson almost brought the web to its knees last week, signifying that it was truly a Big Event. Hell, the last time I can recall the interwebs taking such a beating was the morning of 9/11. For me it showed how the mdeia landscape has changed. I was on Twitter when I noticed a trending topic entitled "Michael Jackson". After muttering "What has he done now?", I clikced and saw the literally hundreds of tweets indicating that he was taken to the hospitalm after collapsing. The only source cited was TMZ.com. A quick check of the standard news sites showed no mention. TMZ then mentioned that a source said "it doesn't look good". No mainstream media reports. Hmm, over to Fark.com, as news spread within one of the forums. Skepticism abounded, since the only source was a celeb gossip website. I immediately thought, who better would be on top of this as it breaks? They live for this shit, right? Sure enough, TMZ.com was the first to report his death, while the other sites were just posting items that "reports" indicate MJ was rushed to the hospital. As we saw 15 years ago with all things O.J., the tabloid media got there first, and had it right all along.

As for Jackson, it's weird, this was the kind of thing that should not have surprised anyone, yet did. Here was a man who lived a bizarre, reclusive life, always appeared to be frail and sickly when not performing, and was known for generally strange behavior. Reactions varied, not surprsingly, in light of the more recent events surrounding the man. It was a bit surprising to see several "I'm glad the pedo kicked" type of responses. I mean, he was found not guilty, right? (I know, so was the aforementioned O.J.).

Undeniable is the impact the man had on music and pop culture. You youngsters might be amazed to learn that before Jackson, the only black face one would see on MTV was that of J.J. Jackson the VeeJay. A threat from the record company (back when they had real clout) forced MTV's hand, and the rest was history. Before the freak show set in, the guy was about as big a star as one could be. As he literally grew up before our eyes, from the amazingly energetic child frontman of the Jackson Five to the megastar solo act, he never failed to amaze and entertain.

Rest in peace, MJ.

A Rebranding, If You Will

2009-06-30T15:45:00.001-04:00

Why the new title for this blog? A couple of reasons:

The "Habitual Line Stepper" thing seems to have run its course
Googling the above returns far too many hits
Why not?

It kinda fits what this is all about, right? It's not about striving for excellence, just me posting random stuff which hopefully entertains you or makes you think for a minute. Enjoy the new name and new look.

Song Of The Day - 6/5/09

2009-06-05T16:04:00.003-04:00

"Weird Al' Yankovic

"Trapped In The Drive-Thru"

Being Weird Al cannot possibly be as easy as it he makes it seem. I mean, everyone sits around and substitutes nonsense lyrics for songs currentl playing, right? If I had a buck for every time I'd mocked a Top 40 song for the kids while fighting the urge to pull my leg hairs out one at a time since I'm forced to endure Lady Gaga for the six hundreth time in the past five weeks, why, I'd be quite well off indeed.

But Weird Al has endured. The guy has been at this since the early eighties, and continues to pump out amusing, listenable stuff, as well as display a great comedic sensibility in his videos, the medium which it could be argued, was more instrumental to his vaulting to stardom in the early MTV days.

This gem, from his Straight Outta Lynwood album, eluded me upon release. My son turned me on to it, and suffice to say it is a keeper. The idea of parodying R. Kelly's overwrought bloated "Trapped In The Closet" would, one first glance, be thought impossible. After all, how can you parody something that is already unintentionally funny? Yankovic delivers, in spades. Making the mundane experiences of a couple faced with the monumental task of deciding what to eat, or if they're even hungry, and spinning a painfully detailed tale of the acquisition of dinner, along with every tiny detail encountered along the way, in right in his wheelhouse. I won't spoil anything for you if you haven't heard it, but know that it is pitch perfect in both tone and musicality, and well worth the ten minutes or so invested in listening.

You're awesome, Al. Long may you endure.

I Caved

2009-05-29T16:16:00.002-04:00

Yep, I tried to resist for the longest time, but I finally caved and signed up for Twitter. This would normally signal the death knell for anything remotely trendy, as I am not known as an early adopter (example: I only recently signed on for Facebook), so it remains ot be seen how much longer Twitter remains in the public zietgeist. You've been warned.

For the riveting details, simply look to your right.

Whoo-ah!

Is There Anything This Can't Do?

2009-04-03T18:03:00.002-04:00

No opening line, just this, form a recently concluded study:

The main chemical in marijuana appears to aid in the destruction of brain cancer
cells, offering hope for future anti-cancer therapies, researchers in Spain
wrote in a study released Thursday.

We're getting closer and closer to the tipping point here, folks. It's getting harder and harder for anyone to legitimately prove the harmful effects of marijuana, isn't it? Honestly, now that THC gives cancer cells such a hard case of the munchies that they begin eating themselves, what else is left to say?

I touched upon the legalization issue a few years back, and it seems like it's gained a lot of steam since. With the economy in the crapper, a varied group of individuals has called for everything from decriminalizing small amounts of weed to outright legalization (and more importantly, taxation) to an end to the uncreasingly fruitless War On Drugs.

Now before you think me just another stoner looking to promote the only cause that matters, know that I do not use pot in any way shape or form. I'm simply no longer able to stand the hypocrisy involved in laws which promote and allow tobacco and alcohol, while not allowing a naturally occurring plant to flourish. A plant which has myriad benefits above and beyond getting one high.

Decriminalizing weed, which is now being considered in my home state, is a logical first step. As the barriers have come down, and more and more of those in power are old enough to have used pot in their youth, and realized that it is no worse than alcohol, ascend to power, the attitude has begun to shift. Despite President Obama's rejection of outright legalization last week during his internet Town Hall, this issue will not go away. It's pretty telling that from the Town Hall, which bypassed the traditional media and since it took place online, thus naturally attracted a younger audience, one that in all likelihood got the man elected, chose this issue as it's most popular.

For those think admitting pot is not so bad "Sends the wrong message", think of all the tax revenue you'd gain from not only the legal sale, but from people who will be actually paying taxes (by not being in jail) as opposed to draining tax dollars (by being incarcerated).

The clock is ticking, people, and for the first time, well, ever, there might actually be light at the end of the tunnel.

The Jetsons Lied To Me

2009-03-13T16:12:00.001-04:00

Though I was born in the sixities, I'm a child of the seventies. Growing up during that wacky decade, we were led to believe many things about The Future. Certainly by now, we thought during those hazy days, we'd be witness to technological marvels that we Garanimals clad little scamps could scarcely imagine, right?

Okay, I'll give you the internet. Culture altering? Sure. Revolutionary? You betcha, but excuse me if I still feel a bit cheated.

Where, for instance, are the moveable sidewalks? Oh sure, one sees them in airports, but didn't you think by know they'd be in mid-town Manhattan? Me too.

Where is my meal in pill form?

Where is my non-gas using, 100 mpg car which runs on water, or sand, or cow dung, or whatever else?

Most importantly, where the hell is my JET PACK?!? We should have jet packs by now! We were promised jet packs, weren’t we?

All that aside, the most puzzling thing we expected the future to bring, learned about in the seventies, something on which you would have bet the house, never occurred. I'm talking about, of course, The Metric System. Dear God, this was drilled into our heads year after year, so certain were our schools that the US would finally catch up to the rest of the world and use this simpler system of weights and measures based on tens. It was inevitable, and by all accounts we'd be fully Metric by the time we graduated high school, perhaps sooner. Book it. Done.

Wrong. I suppose there was no way the stubbornness of the American public could've been properly estimated, but we as a society said a pretty emphatic "no", didn't we? Our football fields are still measured in yards, our roads in miles, and our weight gains/losses in pounds. Take that, Europe!

Except for this puzzler: can anyone explain to me why the only things we have accpeted as Metric are soft drinks and cocaine? Beer? Gimme a pint. Weed? How much per ounce? Yet Diet Coke comes in 2 liter (that’s 67.6 ounces to us ‘mericans) bottles and cocaine still is measured by the gram, or kilos when a big bust is announced.

It's just weird.

Song Of The Day - 3/9/09

2009-03-09T16:02:00.005-04:00

Vampire Weekend

"A-Punk"

Vampire Weekend

Released 2008

From a band nearly swallowed up by their own hype came this infectious slice of poppy perfection. One critic mentioned that it sounded like an English Beat B-Side, and while there are some similarities, these guys bring a unique quality to the song.

Clearly inspiried by the World music styling of Graceland-era Paul Simon (the band themselves describe their sound as "Upper West Side Soweto") on the rest of the debut album, "A-Punk" stands out as it veers into more ska flavored territory. Clocking in at just 2:17, it leaves the listener wanting more, and I defy anyone to not have this song in their head for the rest of the day after one listen. This is one song that pretty much denmands you hit the repeat button on whatever device it's being played.

Don't take my word for it, listen and see for yourself.

Song Of The Day - 2/27/09

2009-02-27T16:14:00.005-05:00

The Jam

"Circus"

The Gift

1982

Never a big hit in the States, UK legends The Jam released their final studio album, The Gift, in the summer of 1982. Frontman and leader Paul Weller made some headlines at the time, mentioning he was pulling the plug on the group so they didn't end up as tired, obsolete parodies of themselves like "the rest of them". The implication that he was speaking primarily of The Who, who were about to embark on the first of several Farewell Tours, was hard to miss.

The Gift's best known track was clearly "Town Called Malice", but for some reason the instrumental "Circus", written by bassist Bruce Foxton, immediately captured me. Clocking in at a quick 2:11, the features blaring horns, whistles, aggressive drums and an unforgettable guitar riff.

Some years later I heard this song, believe it or not, as background music during an intro for a New York Mets telecast, which was bizarre. This is a song, to me, which is begging to be used in a movie during a chase scene or a montage, and it would not at all surprise if that in fact had already happened.

The Jam left us too soon, but also left behind a great catalog. This forgotten gem is one you won't find on any of the Greatest Hits collections, but is worth looking for and checking out.

The Jam (Allmusic)

Song of the Day - 2/19/09

2009-02-19T15:05:00.003-05:00

3rd Bass

"Derelicts Of Dialect"

Derelicts Of Dialect

1991

I know, I know, a "Song Of The Day" feature is launched in mid-January, and as of February 19 only three entries have been posted. Kinda sad, isn't it? Let's just chalk it up to some unforseen events which took priority and forced me to neglect my musical duties over the past few weeks. Rest assured, I'll make every attempt to get back to semi-regular entries here, particularly regarding this endeavor. On to today's entry...

The second album from white rap duo 3rd Bass, Derelicts Of Dialect, dropped (see, I can use the hip lingo the kids today!) in 1991, and was notable for the inclusion of what would become the group's best known song, the scathing anti Vanilla Ice (mostly) classic "Pop Goes The Weasel". The title track, which for all intents and purposes kicks off the album, has come up on several occasions recently during random shuffling on my iPod, and is today's Song of the Day.

A flute(!) kicks off the track, with a solid beat thumping behind, while a narrator voice matter-of-factly intones, presumably talking of the group, "The great will always soar, above the mediocre/they create, while others destroy". From there, we quickly settle into a clear example of 3rd Bass' style, alternating verses between Prime Minister Pete Nice and MC Serch, each of whom display vastly different vocal styles. The theme, which was repeated several times throughout the album, solidified how 3rd Bass considered themselves to be "authentic" rap, while the sudden commercial success of other acts like the aforementioned Vanilla Ice was nothing more than crass cashing in by less talented phonies. One favorite lyrical example is when MC Serch laments his uniqueness as a "white boy in New York who can't get a cab, G", a reference to the then rare site of a caucasian dressed in hip hop gear experiencing a problem of which other black males were well aware. A solid opening track to what would, sadly, be the last album from the group. (See below for the lyrics.)

The song closes with the narrator voice once more, providing what one can only assume is another assertion of 3rd Bass' cred, and further underscores that, to them, the credibility of their peers, as opposed to widespread commercial success, was paramount.

Check out the entire album, which contains many more hits than misses. Highly recommended.

The lyrics:
The great will always soar, above, the mediocre They create, while others destroy

[Pete Nice] Never had a wasted mind, had the time

Erectin rhyme I cause gifted lines

The flows I knows puts the papers in pockets

Swings of things, observed in my sockets

In ten spot I got stacks of LP wax

Couderoy slacks, loops and sales tax

On the racks but my label is Derelict

Spic-n-Span I slam, it's balls you lick

Ill missions, but doin us ain't even simple Stereotype the rhymer as a criminal

Subliminal I put a noose on the necks The sinister signs of my rhymes is sex ..

[MC Serch] Smooth, set-up so slick as I set to move, all the great masses

Asses bounce to track that is all in I'm droppin my quarter, I'm placin my call in

to my crew that's down with the street trends Play around and you'll fall off the deep end

I heard your hooker she likes to do knee-bends But I got a girl, so I called up three friends

And they called three friends (and I called three friends) And so on, and so on, and so on..

So go on my path, and try to follow but not step for step, cause I like to sidestep

You'll get swept like a broom and you'll make room for daddy

White boy in New York and I can't get a cab G

So take me to my rest so I guess I'll get wrecked cause I'm a derelict of dialect ..

[Pete Nice] Dialect spoken, in sectional lesson The less you know, the more you gotta guess on

I press on point, some sweat my jizznoint Playin themselves with the fingers the point

I speak slow, I carry a fat stick Get your kneepads and reapply your chapstick

Step to this, as the Derelict reanimates No jim hat as my mouth ejaculates

I stays mumble, I speaks jumble Phonetics on phonograph'll prime your petrol

Retroactive, my knot scale is tipped off I rip the head off, the Derelict stepped off

and left to show this, to those who typecast Ill the rhyme-ass trickster or outcast of intellect,

I wreck shit with my own sect The ace in the hole, I'm the Derelict of Dialect ..

[MC Serch] 3rd Bass, but not a bass for slidin

Foundation, for a nation who's mind is in motion, goin in fluid

Who did you just distrust? It's Serch and I crush this mental need for oppression

Oppressed and all vexed and just placed a suggestion

Lesson or loss enforce those in a spot who got your head frozen

Defrost the eye and spy on the serpent On act two, he tried to close curtain

But intermission I glimpsed and I clock more Derelicts watch act three and the encore ..

Individuals who are never satisfied with the static standards set by the masses -- the masses have always been lethargic They have always opposed greatness for it is beyond them to even.. comprehend greatness

3rd Bass page on Allmusic

Song Of The Day - 1/23/09

2009-01-23T15:37:00.003-05:00

Devo
"Beautiful World"
New Traditionalists

Released 1981

Devo had already hit it as big as they ever would by 1981, with the success of "Whip It", which became the Akron based band's biggest hit a year earlier. Bands like Devo didn't exist to feed the pop music machine, though, and it was not at all surprising to see them never sniff that level of success again.

This song, taken from the follow-up album New Traditionalists, could have easily been a hit. It's catchy, synth driven beat, highlighted by a surf guitar break, could have easily found chart success at a time when songs like "Bette Davis Eyes" and "Kiss On My List" were spending weeks atop the Billboard lists. A look at the video provides the likely explanation as to why it didn't:

[video to be posted shortly]

What I love about this song is the way the upbeat sounds and lyrics lull one into thinking it's simply an updated version of a "What A Wonderful World"-like sappy anthem, until you get to the chrous reply line at the end which snaps you to attention:

(chorus)
It's a beautiful world (for you)
It's a beautiful world (for you)
It's a beautiful world (for you)
It's a beautiful world (Not Me)

Ah, the lovely smell of irony in the morning! Another reason to love the band, whose cynical view (recall that the name, Devo, is shorthand for de-evolution, the idea that instead of evolving, mankind has actually regressed, as evidenced by the dysfunction and herd mentality of American society.) of culture managed to surface once again. This is a highlight from their catalog, and one worth revisiting.

all music link

Song Of The Day - 1/20/09

2009-01-20T15:48:00.006-05:00

The National
"Mistaken For Strangers"
from the album Boxer
Released 2007

Just as the previous entry, "Time To Pretend" was my pick for 2008 Song of the Year, this haunting three minutes and eleven seconds of awesomeness was easily the selection for 2007.

Quick personal note: iTunes tracks the numebr of times each track is played, and provides a list of your individual Top 25 Most Played. When I checked after my latest synch, this song was so far at the top it had doubled the next closest song.

About the song, what stands out to me is the drumming of Bryan Devendorf. The rhythmic pounding which punctuates each measure will stick in your head, while the clanging echoey guitars create an amazing mood in what turns out to be a brooding tone. Check this lyric for an example:

You get mistaken for strangers by your own friends
when you pass them at night under the silvery, silvery citibank
lights
arm in arm in arm and eyes and eyes glazing under
oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of
adults

Wow. Not exactly "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go", huh?

The above, when sung in the droning, Leonard Cohen-ish voice of Mark Berninger, makes for a highly memorable track which to this listener, stands out on a very good album.

Americanmary (band site)

Mistaken For Strangers (YouTube)

Another New Feature - Song Of The Day

2009-01-16T16:32:00.006-05:00

It's a new year, and it's time for some new resolutions. First, I resolve to post more frequently - posting more frequently means more things which will turn up in Google searches, which mean more hits and traffic to the site, and more...profit?

Anyway, I thought it would be cool to introduce a Song of the Day, kinda like NPR does but different, because it's, well, me. And I won't hit you up for any donations, although you're welcome to send any cash my way.

The goal is to briefly touch on a song heard during the course of the day, be it something from my collection or the radio. Hopefully over time we'll explore an eclectic batch of songs, and I will accept any and all recommendations from you guys as well.

Up first......

MGMT - "Time To Pretend"
from the album Oracular Spectacular
Released 2008

Had I published a Best Of list for 2008, this gem would have won the top spot as Song Of The Year. It is at once a wistful, dreamy and depressing song , disguised with happy sounding synth bursts and a updated psychedelic fuzzy backbeat. It has become a song I've yet to be tired of, and you won't either.

Sample Lyric:

This is our decision to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?

Listen and see the video on MGMT's Official Site

The Best of 2008 - Movie Edition

2008-12-28T20:45:00.001-05:00

Time for HLS to jump into the fray and add to the ever growing population of "Bests of the Year" lists. The catch here, for my Movies edition, is a refreshing bout of honesty: I've only seen a handful of the films released this calendar year. The list, alphabetically, is below. Bear in mind that I am married, and have kids, which will explain several of the items on the list:

The Dark Knight
Kung Fu Panda
Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
Step Brothers
Wanted
Tropic Thunder
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Get Smart
Pineapple Express
Mamma Mia!
Zack and Miri Make A Porno
The Love Guru
Baby Mama
Meet Dave

Best Actor:
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Robert Downey, Jr., Tropic Thunder
Seth Rogen, Zack & Miri
James Franco, Pineapple Express
Jason Segel, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Tough call, but Legder (whom I'm considering as a lead actor, since his presence and role was paramount to the success of the film) gets the nod here as the pathological Joker. It's a shame we'll never see a follow-up, but that will undoubtedly only add to the legend.

Best Actress:
Mila Kunis, Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Angelina Jolie, Wanted
Tina Fey, Baby Mama
Elizabeth Banks, Zack & Miri
Meryl Streep, Mamma Mia!

Jolie was the type of mysterious woman who can kick your ass that she's been in several other films, and though she was great, I can't give her the choice. Streep did all her own singing, which gets my vote in a pretty weak field.

Best Supporting Actor:
Neal Patrick Harris, Harold & Kumar
Tom Cruise, Tropic Thunder
Craig Robinson, Zack & Miri
Russell Brand, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Man, what a tough choice here - all awesome. Robinson nearly steals the film in Zack & Miri, while Brand never fails to get laughs. I'm going to cop out and call it a tie between Cruise's nearly unrecognizable turn in Tropic Thunder and NPH's tour-de-force in Harold & Kumar. Remember, the P stands for "Poon Hound".

Best Supporting Actress:
Anne Hathaway, Get Smart
Amy Poehler, Baby Mama

Poeler gets the nod for playing funny, at which she is a pro, but also being able to dial it down when needed. Hathaway did a nice job as the ass-kicking Agent 99, and always lights up whatever film in which she appears.

Best Cameo:
Justin Long, Zack & Miri

No contest, Long's extended High School Reuinion scene as the gay porn star who ultimately provides the inspiration to the main character was absolutely brilliant. After seeing this guy as the unassuming "Mac" for the past few years, it was easy to forget what he could do.

Best Kids Movie:
Kung Fu Panda
Well paced, no pop culture references, just a really good story, well told, with good characters. Oh, and it's funny. Maybe Hollywood will learn a lesson here, but I doubt it.

Best Movie:
Tropic Thunder
The Dark Knight
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

All were stellar, but for an overall great movie, start to finish, I'm giving the edge to Tropic Thunder. I was thoroughy surprised at how much I enjoyed this film, which was pushed to the top thanks to the great turns put in by Tom Cruise and Robert Downey, Jr. The Dark Knight is a very close second.

Most Questionable Decision:
Pierce Brosnan sings (Mamma Mia!)
Male full frontal (Zack & Miri)
Male Full Frontal(Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
Putting "Porno" in the Title (Zack & Miri)

Brosnan gave it his best shot, and wasn't terrible, which is saying something. I questioned why Kevin Smith saw the need to show Jason Mewes' junk in what seemed to be a gratoitous manner. Segel being naked while being dumped by Sarah Marshall had a poignancy to it which fit into the story, but Mewes doing the full monty didn't seem to make sense, story wise.

Best Guy Who Shows Up In Every Movie:
Bill Hader - Turned up in Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and better yet, was funny in each. In 2009, may he see bigger roles.

That's it for 2008, as far as I was concerned. See this space for Music picks soon...

It Was Twenty Years Ago Today...

2008-11-24T19:22:00.002-05:00

..that saw the birth of the incredible, awesome, Mystery Science Theater 3000.

I came late to the party, but through the magic of reruns and later, the beauty of YouTube have been able to catch many of the complete episodes. The show is still as funny as ever, and even when you know the lines that are coming it's hard not to laugh.

The good news, other than the availability of virtually the entire catalog on YouTube, isn that the main participants are still actively displaying their riffing prowess with two current projects:

RiffTrax - Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett put together downloadable audio of riffs to current and recent films for your enjoyment. The advantage is obvious (no rights fees to pay, plus the ability to be relatively current) and the results are wonderful.

Cinematic Titanic - Headed by MST3K creator Joel Hodgson, this is more like the original show, as Joel, plus Frank Coniff, Trace Beaulieu, Mary Jo Pehl and J. Elvis Weinstien frame more awesomely bad B-movie schlock with witty banter. You can either download the video, or buy it on DVD direct form their site.

Both projects are well worth checking out, as well as perusing the back catalog. Long may they riff.

And You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?

2008-11-17T18:34:00.003-05:00

There is little that be said about the image shown here. It's taken from something called the Spirit One Christian Center, located in Wichita, Kansas. That said, I can't resist asking a few questions....

1.) Since, as far as I know, according to the Bible there is no such thing as "America", or "Muslims", I'm unclear how having a "Muslim President" constitutes a Sin Against The Lord.

2.) The wording of your sign suggests we have a Muslim President. Dubya? Really? Shit, he really did out one over on all of us!

3.) The Constitution of the United States makes no reference to the office of the President restricted to a certain religious belief, gender, or anything of that nature. How exactly is having a Muslim President a violation? Or is the Constitution only of value when you feel you're rights are threatened?

4.) I looked up the Bible passage cited - Exodus 20:3, which states "Thou shalt have no other Gods before me". Okay, but do you really think the voters were voting for God? Methinks the pool of candiates would have been a bit larger. Show of hands, guys, how many Obama voters think he's a messiah?

5.) You do know that Barack Obama is Christian, right? Granted, he might not subscribe to the special brand practiced at your place (frankly I'm a little scared of anyone who does), but he is an avowed Christian. Perhaps you recall the Right Wing outrage all summer about one Rev. Jeremiah Wright? Which is it - radical preacher follower or secret Muslim?

6.) Are you really this ignorant, or are you just trying to incite your flock, who might not be inquisitive enough to make two mouse clicks to find out you're being intellectually dishonest?

Honestly, it's somewhat amusing to see the hand wringing and panties-in-a-bunch behavior in the aftermath of the election, but stuff like this is just plain crazy. Do these people ever read the Bible? Particularly the part about not bearing false witness (you know, lying...like your sign).

Ignorance is nothing of which to be proud, nor is knowngly spreading outright misinformation from your pulpit. Please skim a bit of money from your collection basket and buy yourselves a clue.

Let's Get To Work

2008-11-10T19:20:00.005-05:00

One week later, I still have to repeat quietly to myself that Barack Obama was elected our 44th President. As inevitable as it seemed during the closing weeks of the campaign, it was still stunning to hear the announcement we all knew was coming on Tuesday night.

History making? No doubt, but had the Republicans won we could have said the same thing, albeit for different reasons. Some random thoughts from Election night and the aftermath, and the campaign:

John McCain, during his concession speech, looked like the most relieved man on the planet. Something about his demeanor suggested to this observer that perhaps he was never comfortable with the way his campaign was run, and was just glad the whole thing was over. Perhaps the respected Senator can get back whatever credibility he may have lost during the past few months and return to being a prodcutive, bipartisan member of the Senate. I hope so.

It will be fascinating to read the multitude of books that will undoubtedly be published about the 2008 election. Newsweek's upcoming article is just the tip of the iceberg, and provides wonderful insight. The books will dig deeper, and will be a great read for political junkies everywhere.

What was soundly defeated this night? Rovian style polictics, for one. Maybe it was because the dirt kicked up by the GOP was already scraped up by the Clintons during the primaries, or maybe since the accusations were quickly refuted/explained by Obama, or simply beacuse people saw them for what they were - desperation ploys by a sinking campaign. Whatever the voter rationale, one thing was certain - the tactics were a complete failure, and for that, America should be grateful. Consider our collective bullshit detector finely tuned.

Also, more importantly, Fear had its ass kicked. Try as they did to make voters afraid of the scary Secrct Muslim/Terrorist "Paller Arounder"/Socialist/Commie and oh yeah, black guy, America called bullshit. If only there were some kind of saying I could quote, from a famous person, regarding how the only thing we should ever be afraid of would be being afraid, or something like that.......

I can not for the life of me recall ever seeing worldwide reaction to a Presdiential election. I guess there was never anything to show in prior years. Seeing how the world reacted spoke volumes about a.) how America's stock instantly rose throughout the world, and b.) how much it had fallen over the past eight years. (Though I'm still trying to figure out why the town of Obama, Japan was so excited - "Yay, the guy with the same name as out town won! We rule!")

I listened to people all around me tell me how they couldn't support Obama's candidacy. reasons varied, from his stance on taxes (folks who enjoy not paying them aren't generally happy about knowing they'll soon be paying more) to his Pro-Choice stance (please don't get me started on single issue voters - they get the government they deserve). One person I know started by telling me he just didn't think Obama "cared about America". I couldn't let that one go - no person crazy enough to run for President, and expose himself, his family, etc. to all that goes along with it could not be accused of not having some crazy America love. Later this person mentioned he was "tired of Barack Obama"....which made sense since the guy was in the news virtually every day from January. Eventually it struck me, and I never wanted to think so, but race had to play a factor for voters like this. People simply looking for a reason to not vote for him. Thankfully these voters were not much of a factor.

As for someone else I knew who was on the fence, I simply said "Two words: President Palin". I think this person flipped for Obama.

Wither Governor Palin? Well, for starters, it looks like the candidate who wasn't allowed to talk to the media now can't stop giving interviews. It would not be a surprise to see her continue her political career on the national stage (or try to , anyway), or end up hosting a morning talk show. Neither would surprise me. Keep talking, Governor, as you provide an endless source of material for Olbermann, Stewart and Colbert. Oh, and give back those clothes.

The amount of whining from the right wing noise machine of Hannity, Limbaugh, et al. is to be expected, and it will not be a shock to see these vile and loathesome demagogues (thanks to Al Franken for that line) flourish during a Democratic Presidential administration. Hate and fear still sells to a narrow (and narrow-minded) segment of the population, unfortunately, and these folks always choose the loudest, uglist path to follow, as opposed to rational, factual debate. A descent into obscurity and irrelevance would be most welcome.

...and what about President Bush and what's left of his cronies? If nothing else this vote was a resounding condemnation of this Presdient's two terms. He too looked to be relieved as he realized his time was just about up. I know he feels he will somehow be vindicated by history, but I don't see how. Rather, the last eight years will be studied by historians and used as a primer on how not to run government. The next four years pose an enormous challenge for Persident-Elect Obama, but the American people have spoken, and decided that he is just the person for the job.

Let's go, we've got work to do.

Palin Wins Debate! Palin Wins Debate!

2008-10-03T15:46:00.003-04:00

(Thanks to Hobodeluxe from Fark for the image.)

Stunning, really. No other words can be used to describe the perfromance of Sarah Palin during last night's VP debate. By not falling flat on her face, not going awkwardly silent when facing a question, and generally not imploding, the Alaskan Governor far exceeded any and all expectations.

The only problem? When the bar is set as low as it was based on her recent train wreck interviews, it was not nearly enough. Substance? Not much from Ms. Palin. Talking Points, endlessly regurgitated, regardless of the question in play or the context of what was being discussed? Plenty of that.

Laying on the Hooterville act about as thick as she could without auditioning for a guest spot on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, Palin came across disingenuous and rehearsed. Refusing to answer direct questions (maybe she doesn't understand what an Achilles Heel refers to?), but instead drifitng off to blather on about "up in Alaska, we blah blah blah", "Barack Obama is bad, Maverick, Hackey Mahm, Joe Sixpack, etc." gave one the impression of a kid who'd been up all week studying for an exam, and reflexively spat out talking points whenever triggering words were uttered. Further, winking at the camera and the "shout outs"? Seriously? Can you imagine if Barack Obama pulled crap like this?

Except for a few suspect sourced polls (Drudge, I'm looking at you), Joe Biden was generally considered to be the winner of the debate. Looks like, for the most part, America's Bullshit Detector is operating efficiently.

It's Showtime....

2008-10-02T18:40:00.004-04:00

As of right now, tonight's VP debate is still on, though it would not be at all surprising if some last minute "emergency" forces the GOP to withdraw Sarah Palin and get the hell out of dodge.

The Republicans have tried numerous devices to frame this debate, haven't they? Expectations have been lowered to the point where if Palin simply shows up, doesn't bite the head off of a pigeon and flash the crowd, it will be considered a good showing. By accusing the moderator, Gwen Ifill, of being "in the tank" for Obama because she wrote a book about the recent rise of Black politicians - despite the fact the book was announced in August, and both sides agreed to use Ms. Ifill weeks ago, they've constructed another excuse for a poor performance by Palin. Today, McCain uncorked the latest in his ever increasing line of verbal gems - when asked why Obama's poll number were rising during the economic crisis, he responded that "beacuse life isn't fair". Wow.

The format should be helpful to Palin, since it won't involve a lot of back and forth between the candidates. However, given her recent cringe inducing interviews with Kaitie Couric, Palin has to be considered dangerous whenever she's near an open microphone and is posed a direct question. Joe Biden should simply answer the questions posed, using his breadth of knowledge on whatever topic is brought up, and the difference between the candidates will be readily apparent. It should not be difficult to allow Palin enough rope with which to hang herself.

Perhaps the most refreshing effect of the handling of Palin is that the media, and much of the country, doesn't seem to be buying the Rovian bullshit this time. Every excuse is treated with figurative eye rolling by the press, and even conservatives are calling shenanigans on the Palin pick in particular, and McCain's candidacy in general.

Should be an entertaining evening no matter what. Grab some popcorn, kiddies!

McCain Clearly Wants To Lose

2008-09-29T19:41:00.002-04:00

How else can anyone explain the bizarre behavior of the man and his campaign over the past few days?

Suspending his campaign, only not really (here's a tip, John. Continuing to raise money, appear on TV, run ads, etc. means you're still campaigning.)

Threatening to stay away from the debate, putting "Country First"...then not leaving to Washington, after telling David Letterman you had to leave town, stat.

Continuing the media blackout of Sarah Palin, which does nothing but allow bitter media members (you know, the guys you used to call "my base"), pore over the meager amaount of interview footiage and tear it apart. Here's a tip, John, if she talks more without being forced to regurgitate Karl Rove's Talking Points, she might come off a little better. As it is now, she's looking like a poorly programmed Stepford Veep. Only the soft bigotry of low expectations, whcih your party has gone to great lengths to foster, can allow her to come out unscathed after Thursday's debate - unless, of course, your guys are already crafting an escape plan for that too.

The lates: blaming the failure of the $700 Billion bailout packge from passing on, you guessed it, Barack Obama. Yep, it's all his fault, as he controls the votes of all those opposed (including, it should be noted, a significant number of Republicans). After putting himself front and center regarding this issue, he made it his own, and now that it is failing he deflects the blame to his opponent and thinks we're too stupid to notice. Un-flipping-believeable.

Changing positions almost hourly, unaware that in the age of YouTube nothing ios ever forgotten. Honestly, people, do you want this guy in the Oval Office, particularly with Caribou Barbie a heartbeat away?

Your Favorite Band Sucks, And So Does Mine

2008-08-01T15:00:00.001-04:00

Oh no, I can hear you saying, another dumbass blogger music snob post about how much band X is so much better than band Y because blah blah blah.

Is this going to go that way? Maybe not. Stay with me. Just because I don't like what you like does not make me a music snob, honest. It is a little tale about a certain band, enjoying a recent resurgence in popularity, which is loathed by your humble blogger.

Let's set this up with a little story.....

Recently, I was at a charity walk in my town. The festive atmosphere had food, activities, a DJ spinning the most common songs one could imagine, and even a live band. The band, whose name escapes me, was a local outfit of older guys (I'm guessing late 40's and up), played a variety, if one could call it that, of early 70's soft rock. (Think "A Horse With No Name", "Ventura Highway" etc.) Funny that they and the DJ seemed incredulous that the crowd wasn't responding as they would have hoped. Call me crazy, but I don't think America (the original artists of the songs mentioned) got that much of an enthusiastic response when they did that song in 1972, so I'm not sure these guys got an atypical reaction. Anyway, the band wrapped up their brief set, thanked the crowd, and was rewarded with polite, if scattered, applause. At this point, Mr. DJ picked up the mic to fill the air, and this is where our story really begins.

A friend of mine and I were chatting as the raffle finished, while in the background the DJ had just finished spinning that perennial crowd fave "Cotton Eyed Joe" [imagine my eyes rolling right now, as yours might be]. It was at this point we heard the unmistakable intro to a song everyone knew, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'".

"Finally", my friend said, "some real music!", and he looked at me in the way you would when you expect a certain unconditional approval, maybe an agreeing nod of the head, perhaps even a "Hell Yeah!". My response was somewhat different.

"Oh man", I said "I fucking hate Journey".

As soon as the words left my lips I looked around anxiously. Not because of the sentiment I'd expressed, but because the event was loaded with kids, parents, grandparents, etc. It would be pretty embarrassing to have had some little kids hear that. Luckily, none did.

My friend was taken aback slightly, and asked why I thought the way I did. "They represent everything that is bad about music" was my response (which I have to admit was said through almost clenched teeth), and we moved on to other topics. Upon reflection, it led me to thinking though. Why do I have such vitriol for this band in particular?

I began to think about my opinions on Journey, and music in general. One thing I've noticed is that when it comes to music, there seem to be two kinds of people:

Group A - Listen to the radio, absorbs whatever is played, might make a purchase or two on occasion, but rarely ventures outside the "mainstream". Music is an important part of their life, but functions as a background to their lives as other things are going on. Doesn't read any type of music press, either online or in print. Rejects most new trends until they are assimilated into the mainstream. Think "I hate that rap garbage....but that 'Bust A Move' is sure a fun tune!" Most of these people really enjoy stuff like Journey, Bon Jovi, and Carrie Underwood.

Group B - Listens to what is popular, but seeks out other options, and is not averse to looking beyond the mainstream. Might buy an album or download a song despite never having heard it provided there is a good buzz around it. Keeps up on developments in music (maybe not quite as much as they age). It's safe to assume these folks are into old school stuff like The Ramones, Run-DMC, or R.E.M. while keeping abreast of newer bands like Arcade Fire or Vampire Weekend. Investigates a new trend before rejecting it outright.

Belonging to either group isn't absolute, nor is there any problem with it. It just boggles my mind sometimes how, when I'm surrounded by a bunch of people who fall into the first group (you probably noticed by now that I consider myself to be firmly in the second) I am forced to defend my opinions as if I was some psycho radical hippie junkie dirtbag punk. Explaining to people that you don't particularly have any care whatsoever for Bon Jovi can elicit a dumbfounded reaction. I can almost hear them thinking, "Jeez, Bon Jovi is nice and popular. Why wouldn't you like them?" (For the record, I don't dislike Bon Jovi, and recall having a really great time signing "Livin' On A Prayer" while drunk and dancing in a bar one night...., but let the record show that I do not own anything the band has ever produced.)

Which brings me back to Journey. I've always had a particular distaste for what Rolling Stone dubbed "Faceless" rock back in the late 70's/early 80's, referring to the era where bands like Journey, Toto, Foreigner, Kansas, Styx, etc. ruled the roost without any particular distinguishing characteristics. To me, Journey was the worst of this bunch - a bunch of clearly talented musicians who resorted to playing bland, generic, risk-free Rock (tm) aimed for the masses. While obviously not the first, nor the last group, to be guilty of aiming for success without artistic merit, they were easily the most egregious example of the era. Throw in the ridiculous album cover art and the cheesy ballads, and it was enough to make me want to scream.

Thankfully, the group faded away as musical trends evolved. Unfortunately, in the age of instant nostalgia, the band is hot again (thanks in part to "Don't Stop Believin'" being prominently featured in The Sopranos finale), with a new lead singer pulled from a cover band (I'm not making this up) and a new CD, and here we go again.

What also grinds my gears is that I've never run into anyone who claims Journey is a great band, you know? It's always along the lines of "They're good, they had those songs I liked back in the day", but never have I run into anyone who would passionately defend the group. To me, that speaks volumes. Perhpas the comments to this post will attract some defenders. I say bring 'em on.

Five Years On....

2008-03-20T18:20:00.002-04:00

......since "Mission: Accomplished". Where are we now?:

3900 dead American soldiers

Countless dead Iraqi civilians

Gas headed for $4 per gallon

An economy in free fall

Bin Laden? Still hanging around.

No WMD's

No connnection between Iraq and 9/11

Squandered post-9/11 goodwill toward the US

No end in sight.

Heckuva job, Georgie.

This Sums It Up

2008-03-12T19:39:00.001-04:00

Not to tip my politictal hand, but this quote from a poster on dailykos today pretty much hits the nail squarely on the head:

Saying that Hillary has Executive Branch experience is like saying Yoko Ono was
a Beatle.

Damn.

dailykos

Rock And Roll (TM) Hall Of Fame Inducts Madonna; Heads Explode

2008-03-12T18:49:00.002-04:00

As you've no doubt heard by now, the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame turned a few heads with the announcement of the 2008 inductees. Let's review them now:

Farm Aid-er John Mellancamp (no word as to whether or not he lets them use the whole "Cougar" thing on his bust)

Philly Soul producers Kenny Gamble andf Leon Huff

Leonard Cohen

The Dave Clark Five

The Ventures

Madonna

What?! Madonna?! She's not a rocker, dammit! There was a fair degree of outrage from forum posters and some critics regarding this offense against all that is rock. MAdonna is a freakin' pop star, who got played on Top 40 Radio, and was liked by teenaged girls! (Kinda like The Beatles?)

Everyone is missing the point: The Rock And Roll Hall of Fame is a total joke!

Come on, this is supposed to be about Rock and Roll! What does the name mean if not anti-establishment, non-conforming, piss off your parents rebellion? Can anything be more staid ans stuffy than an officvail Hall of Fame, with only worthy inductees each year, along with the accompanying "controversy" when your favorite band didn't make the cut? What a crock. I know that the ship of integrity sailed quite some time ago for most of the music business, but seeing these bloated egos get together every year and pat themselves on the back is simply something that can't be tolerated.

The "museum" section of the Hall is a neat thing to have - I'm all for preserving artifacts from bygone eras to give people some kind of perspective on past history, but the whole bust and plaque garbage is uneeded and unnecessary.

Congraulations Material Girl!

Classic Album Corner

2008-02-12T19:23:00.000-05:00

Beastie Boys – Paul’s Boutique (1989)

If ever there was a candidate for the One Hit Wonder file, it should have been the Beastie Boys. The novelty of being three White Jewish rappers who took the music scene by storm in 1986-87 by combining hard rock riffs over alternating whiny raps seemed destined to play itself out quickly. The lack of a quick follow-up record ensured that the what-have-you-done-for-us-lately music public would soon remove the boys from consciousness and move on to the next Big Thing. “Fight For You Right (To Party)” was destined to become a drunken idiot anthem for the ages, and Licensed To Ill becoming a quirky historical footnote.

In the aftermath of supporting Ill, the Beastie Boys relocated to Los Angeles and hooked up with the Dust Brothers production team. The resulting sessions produced an album that was such a departure from Ill that it alienated many fans, who were expecting Licensed To Ill 2. The sales of Boutique paled in comparison, with no radio ready single nor any breakthrough wacky video to pump it. Despite that, the record was a perfect evolutionary step for the maturing Boys, and remains not only one of the best hip hop records ever made, but one of the best, period. It slowly became a sort of an unsing favorite of many Beastie Boys fans, and now takes it's place among the group's bets work.

The record simply could not be made today – the multitude of samples, taken before each had to be cleared, is staggering. (Click here for a listing of every sample used for details). The Boys love of funky soul 70’s era music is immediately apparent as the album opens (and closes) with “To All The Girls…”, a dedication to the females of the world, and a nod to the horny boy attitude they were known for (but eventually grew out of). The rat-a-tat drums sound pounds in as "Shake Your Rump" opens, kicking off the record in force, and sets the tone as the boys blend alternating raps with funky samples. "Johnny Ryall" tells the story of a now-homeless one time blues legend (fictional), while "Egg Man" blends the familiar shower scene music from Psycho with the theme from Jaws, while at the same time featuring one of the first solcially conscious rhymes the Beasties ever dropped - "You make a mistake/ you judge a man by his race/you go through life/with egg on your face".

One important side note: during the three years on inactivity, the Beasties became embroiled in a dispute with Def Jam, their original label. At one point, it was alleged that DJ head Russell Simmons was going to put out his own "Beastie Boys" record, comprised of studio demos and assorted items, until Public Enemy's Chuck D set him straiught by informing him that the stuff prepared for Paul's was some of the hottest hip hop he'd ever heard. Simmons backed off, as the group signed on with Capitol records, who ended up viewing this record as a disappointment, clearly expecting Ill level sales.

"Hey Ladies", "High Plains Drifter", "Car Thief" and "Looking Down The Barrell Of A Gun" all utilized the variety of samples to perfection, but the real masterpiece of the record is the 12 minute epic "B-Boy Bouillabaise". Less like one song than an amalgamation of several disconnected ideas, the song works, as the varied tempos and individual raps conmbine to make a tune the likes of which hip hop had never seen. A personal fave of mine is the "A Year And A Day" which features a knockout sample of The Isley Brothers' "Who's That Lady".

The record has stood the test of time, and is all the more unique when listened to today when you take inot account the sheer volume of samples, and the outstanding work done by the Dust Brithers and Mario Caldato in weaving all the elements together to produce such a memorable album.

The group took things to another level on later releases, playing all their own instruments and hitting it big with Check Your Head and Ill Communication. Their latest release, The Mix-up, eschews rap altogether in favor of instrumentals, and recently won a Grammy.

Beastie Boys official site
Paul's Boutique Samples and References List

Journey To The Center Of My DVR - Idiocracy

2008-02-07T08:46:00.000-05:00

Idiocracy (2006)
Starring Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph, Dax Shepard

Directed by MIke Judge

Rated R

Now this one was easy to miss - Fox did all it could to ensure nobody would ever see this film. The release was confined to a small number of screens on both coasts, and quickly disappeared. Only via its appearance on cable has it been able to reach a wide audience, and quickly reach cult status.

It's not exactly clear why the studio would not put any effort behind this movie - it's a Mike Judge project. Judge, best known for TV shows Beavis and Butt-head, King Of The Hill, as well as the great cult film Office Space, seemingly has enough name recognition and credibility to get behind. Could it be that the film, a brilliant science fiction piece whereby stupid people, via pure volume breeding, totally take over the country, just might go completely over the heads of their audiences? Pandering to the lowest common denominator is something Fox specializes in, and they might have been thinking that this movie would have sailed right over the heads of the movie going crowd.

The film details how low level career military man Joe Bauers (Luke Wilson) is chosen to take part in an experiment whereby he is placed in a state of suspended animation, and revived at a later date, with the idea of creating super soldiers of the future. As this is a movie, Something Goes Wrong, and Wilson (along with local hooker Rita, played by Maya Rudolph) remains "frozen" for 500 years. They awaken to a world which has been overrun by stupidity, making the terminal underachiever and the hooker the de facto smartest people in the country. The opening of the film, which explains how the country (and presumably the world) ended up in this state is hilarious, and somewhat disturbing as one can totally see the scenario happening.
Navigating his way through an endless supply of utter morons who speak "hybrid of hillbilly, Valley girl, and inner-city slang" (and who tell him on more than one occasion after hearing him speak in full sentences that he "talks like a fag"), Wilson manages to get one man, Frito (Dax Shepard) to tell him of a Time Machine. Bauers obviously assumes that technology has advanced to the point where time travel is a reality, but, alas, runs into many obstacles trying to find his way back home. I won’t give any spoilers here, but suffice it to say Joe and Rita don’t have a lot of smooth sailing in trying to succeed in 2505, or return to the present.

The film is smart, funny, and a relatively short 84 minutes. Judge, as he has in his other projects, doesn’t lay it on too thick and mock the future Americans for their stupidity. Indeed, it seems as if he has pity on them, since they can’t be held accountable for their IQ, and Judge sort of celebrates their stupidity rather than mock them for it.
See this movie. Aside form the things mentioned above, it’s funny, and that alone should be enough to merit killing an hour and a half. The fact that the movie makes you think a little, or perhaps makes you just a wee bit uneasy, is just a bonus.

Idiocracy (IMDB.com)

"A Failure Pile In A Sadness Bowl"

2008-01-23T22:23:00.000-05:00

Patton Oswalt is the man responsible for the above quote, uttered during his brilliant routine found on his latest CD Werewolves and Lollipops. He has proven himself to be one of the best stand-ups working today, injecting some actual intelligence into his routines, which is refreshing in a world which makes Larry The Cable Guy a star (come on, I can understand Ron White, but Larry The Freaking Cable Guy?). In the bit sampled above, he is referring to the KFC Famous Bowl, and the bizarre thought process which led to its invention. The Famous Bowl, for the uninitiated, is simply a combination of an entire KFC meal, dumped in a single bowl as opposed to say, being served in a more traditional manner, like on a plate. Basically, the fat lazy underbelly of America demanded this, and KFC was more than happy to deliver the goods, and it quickly became their best selling item. Oswalt's full take is hilarious, as he goes on to mock, in his consistently funny way, how one would arrive at this wonder of fast food goodness.

The Onion recently decided to ask Oswalt to do something radical - actually try and eat one of these monstrosities. His take on this can be found here, and is well worth checking out.

Links:
Patton Oswalt
The Onion A.V. Club Taste Test Special
KFC famous bowls

Journey To The Center of the DVR

2008-01-23T07:55:00.000-05:00

Here's the deal: This past summer, I changed television providers from Comcast to AT&T U-Verse. Part of the deal, other than the cost savings, was the inclusion of a DVR, which quickly went straight to cell phone status as the invention-I-wonder-how-I-ever-did-without.

Even better, for the first two months I was given the full channel lineup (except Playboy, which is never free). Combine 20 movie channels with a brand new DVR and you've got a recipe for a gathering of films heretofore unseen!

The goal was to grab movies that fit the following criteria:

Recent Hit movies which I didn't catch in the theater
Movies the kids wanted to see
Other movies which had somehow eluded me over the past few years

I grabbed a boatload. What will follow, on a periodic basis, is my review of said films. It might be a bit surprising to you to see some of the movies I've managed to avoid seeing. Like this one:

Kingpin (1996)
Starring: Woody Harrelson, Randy Quaid, Bill Murray
Directed by The Farrelly Brothers

Case in point: damn, how in the hell did I ever miss this movie? It was released in 1996, and I do recall several half hearted attempts a renting it a few years back. ("Honey, what about Kingpin? It's supposed to be pretty funny? No? Okay" [sheepishly puts it back on rack])

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that just about everyone in the world who wanted to see this has already done so, so anything written after this point can't really qualify as a "spoiler", agree? Good, let's proceed.

This gem from The Farrelly Brothers explores a topic not often seen on the big screen: the cutthroat world of pro bowling. Blend in Randy Quaid's Amish character and you've got a combination that nobody would ever touch again, and with good reason. Woody Harrelson is perfect for the role of Roy Munson, and in the early scenes as an earnest, supremely gifted young bowler you can see a hint of Woody Boyd. Once tragedy strikes (sorry, bad bowling pun, of which I cannot guarantee there will not be more) and the years go by, he becomes a bitter, pot bellied, balding man with a hook for a left hand (when it's not covered by one of the worst prosthetic hands ever seen, which leads to numerous sight gags, all of which are great). There are just the right amount of hook gags as well, and the bulk are done early in the movie.

Bill Murray is great as well, especially when you consider that he improvised just about all of his dialog. He was given the script, decided to wing it using the basic framework, and the Farrelly's later said it was the right thing to do since Murray's stuff was funnier. Every scene he is in is gold, and crucial to the plot since he basically ruins Roy's career by leaving him high and dry (resulting in the hook), then meets his one time protege again in the climatic winner take all million dollar bowling tournament. Vanessa Angel, whom I remembered most fondly from her non-English speaking bra related scenes in Spies Like Us, plays the "stereotypical arm candy of the mid-movie protagonist who defects to the side of the heroes with less than good intentions only to fall in love with the main character by the end and ride off into the sunset", and does it well.

The movie works for one basic reason: it's damn funny. Sight gags abound, but don't overwhelm, and in 1996 tapping into the Amish lifestyle for jokes was still relatively fresh. You can catch this on cable from time to time, and if possible you should see the uncut version as opposed to what Comedy Central would show - I can't imagine how they would handle the sex with his landlord scene.

Phew, only about 30 more movies to go.....

Kingpin (IMDB.com)

The Hives Do It Some More

2007-12-26T22:44:00.000-05:00

The Hives
The Black & White Album

If you're a fan of stripped down, guitar infested, pure high energy rock and roll, it's very hard not to like The Hives. The Swedish quintet broke big in 2000, riding the garage rock resurgence with the almost perfect "Hate To Say I Told You So", form the Veni Vidi Vicious album. The 2004 follow-up, Tyrannosaurus Hives, while a solid next step for the band, failed to top its predecessor in sales and popularity, despite a brutal supporting tour.

For The Black & White Album, Interscope took no chances - Modest Mouse producer Dennis Herring was brought on board for the bulk of the tracks, while hip hop honcho Pharell Williams handled two others. This is being treated almost as a make-or-break for the group, as far as reaching the wide audience they feel they deserve.

It doesn't disappoint. Opening with the first single, "Tick Tick Boom", the boys have delivered a song with enough punch and bravado ("I've done it before/And I can do it some more") to deserve a spot in the all time Hives Hall of Fame, up there with classics like "Main Offender" and "Hate To Say I Told You So". Complete with explosions punctuating the end of each chorus, cascading "Yeaaahhhhhhh" bleats from each member , the tune is all Hives, and should be a hit. "Try It Again", complete with a dueling guitar riff intro and accompanying real life cheerleaders, eases the record along. "They say the definition of madness/is doing the same thing/and expecting a different result" intones Pelle, and it's clear that this album signifies a new direction for the group, while still keeping their toes in the punky/garage pool.

As with previous records, there are selections which departure greatly from the standard Hive template. "Find Another Girl", "Diabolic Scheme" fit the bill on Vicious and Tyrannosaurus Hives respectively, but for The Black & White Album, no less than three songs fit the bill. Upon first listen, "A Stroll Through Hive Manor Corridors" sounds like an outtake, or at least like a potential 30 second interlude. The spooky, 60's era horror movie organ gives brings the album to a halt after the sonic blasts of "Well All Right" and "Hey Little World". Initially I found this to be needless filler, but upon repeated listening, it makes for a nice transition to the obvious next hit single, "Won't Be Long". The second un-Hives like ditty, "Giddy Up", about nothing less than shagging your way through any disagreements you may have, contains a hiccupy refrain which can be grating at times. Love the message, though. "Puppet On A String", which utilizes nothing more than a piano and hand claps, grows on the listener, though after hearing this and "A Stroll Through Hive Manor Corridors", one wonders if the guys watched a lot of Munsters and Addams Family reruns while cutting this album!

"Bigger Hole To Fill" keeps the band on point with a message that there is more to do, and they're ready for the challenge, while "Square One Here I Come" and "You Dress Up For Armageddon" seem to mock the entire slacker/whiner attitude rather than embrace it. This has never been a band that looked kindly upon sitting on ones ass, that's for sure, and The Black & White Album keeps up that sentiment in spades. "Won't Be Long" is an obvious attempt at crafting a radio-friendly hit song, and in a perfect world this would be played on every Top 40 station in the country. Likely? Doubtful. "T.H.E.H.I.V.E.S.", on the other hand, might see the light of day. The Blondie by way of Prince via Queen number is certainly catchy, and contains just enough of the group's comic book arrogance ("We rule the world!") to wink at those of us who are in on the gag. It doesn't hurt that the song is catchy as hell, especially after a few listens.

The Black & White Album is already showing up on some year end "best" lists, as well it should. This is a tight collection of songs by a band that we desperately need in an era of "Soulja Boy". Long may they carry the torch.

The Hives Broadcasting Service (Official site of The Hives)

Classic Album Corner

2007-09-22T20:55:00.000-04:00

Frank Zappa- Shiek Yerbouti (1979)

I'm not sure if Frank Zappa has ever been truly appreciated since his death in 1993. The man was, first and foremost, an amazing technical musician. He was also funny as hell.
Never a commercial success throughout his long career, he did experience brief bouts of mainstream appeal, particularly in 1982 with the song "Valley Girl". A few years prior to that, in 1978, at the height of the abomination that was Disco, he released another single, "Dancin' Fool", which found a modicum of popular appeal, particularly among the Rock crowd which had become so fed up with the entire Disco trend.
The album on which "Dancin' Fool" appeared, Shiek Yerbouti (Get it - Shake Your Booty?), a double album, was one of the most amazing records Zappa released during a very fertile creative period. Instant classic Zappa tracks such as "Flakes", "Bobby Brown", "I Have Been In You", "Baby Snakes", and my personal favorite, "Broken Hearts Are For Assholes", all stand out. Obviously, these never had a chance of being played on the radio, even on the progressive album-oriented rock stations of the day. The album also contains several of Zappa's trademark instrumental jams, displaying some amazing work by both Zappa and the crack group of musicians he surrounded himself with.
Zappa would go on to release the critically acclaimed Rock opera of sorts, Joe's Garage, the following year. He continued to make music on his terms, on his own label, right up until his death. His joining of the anti-censorship movement in the mid eighties (see video below) was a high point, as surprised many by appearing so "normal" as he discussed first amendment issues before Congress, often sounding far more intelligent than the government representatives.
As Kevin Murphy (famous for his work on Mystery Science Theater 3000) said, most people would be shocked at how normal the guy was, and how he simply abhorred stupidity. He is undoubtedly missed today.

Here's Frank on CNN's Crossfire in 1986, holding his own against some anti-music idiots:

Shiek Yerbouti (Allmusic guide page)

Official Zappa website

Bob Saget Is A Filty Motherf*cker!

2007-09-15T22:13:00.000-04:00

By now, we’ve all heard how Bob Saget, who played nice guy dad Danny Tanner on the sickeningly sweet 80’s sitcom Full House as well as hosting the inoffensive America’s Funniest Home Videos, is a comedian who “works blue”. That is to say his stand-up act is not intended for the same audiences who watched him on television.

One can see they dilemma Saget has to work through –it must be a pain to be typecast as Mr. Nice Guy while still trying to do stand-up the way you want. Kudos to him for trying to expand and shatter the pre-conceived notions most people have about him. Anyone who saw The Aristocrats saw a small dose of the “real” Bob, as his version of the infamous joke was one of the filthiest contained in the film.

Taking it to the next level, Saget filmed a recent HBO special which attempted to bury the white bread persona once and for all. Mission accomplished:

Warning – this isn’t safe for work

I watched the show, and didn’t find myself laughing once the initial shock of seeing and hearing Saget use profanity virtually every other word wore off. The whole thing seemed to be shout “Look at me, I’m NOT DANNY EFFING TANNER ANYMORE!!!!” While I understand the rationale behind the effort, it would’ve helped if the material was funnier. Using profanity for its own sake doesn’t work, even when trying to shatter the audience’s idea of what the performer “should be”.

It’s too bad, because Saget is a genuinely funny guy, with a good sense of comedic timing. Hopefully, now that this is out of this system, he can move on and just become known as a comedian, as opposed to The Guy Who No Longer Is Squeaky Clean.

Stop Whining Already

2007-06-14T11:09:00.000-04:00

I confess, I'm one of the only people I know who did not watch The Sopranos - ever. Hey, I only have expanded basic, thus no HBO, so I have an excuse. It's become obvious that not having this channel has caused me to miss out on some of the most talked about television shows of recent years, but I've somehow managed to survive on a steady diet of fodder like Survivor, 24, et al.

The recent finale of The Sopranos generated such a response - most of it negative from the hardcore fans -that I had to comment. From what I gather, the show ended abruptly, with no explanation or closure as to the fates of the main character, Tony Soprano. Oh, the furor! Creator David Chase fled the country, knowing full well the reaction this finish would cause.

Not having watched the show, and never having been invested in these characters, it's hard for me to tell the fans to stop moaning and accept the ending. Part of me wonders if we have become so spoon fed with regard to our entertainment that we will refuse to accept any ending to anything, movie or TV show, that doesn't fully close every loophole and resolve every plotline. Why is this? I think having an open ended, somehwat ambiguous finale is interesting. Plus, the door is left open for any future project, though Chase was quick to quell that speculation.

You want crappy series finales? What about M*A*S*H? That was a bloated, 90 minute exercise which closed things out, yes, but could have easily been handled in 45 minutes. The show had become so preachy and self-important anyway, and it was time to go, but damn, that final episode was a bear to get through.

Seinfeld was another very disappointing finale - ironic for a show which seemed to shun the usual excesses which befell other shows. The best way to end it was to not celebrate nor acknowledge the end in any way - just a simple business as usual episode. That would have been more in line with the spirit of the show, but they chose to spin a wandering, ultimately unfunny ending to what had been one of the most original shows of its time.

No matter what, it's over. Move on.

Election 2008 Heats Up 17 Months Early

2007-06-14T11:04:00.000-04:00

A while back, this blog called for the need to form a new political party. One which would actually represent the people, and harken back to a time when politicians were beholden not to corporate donors, lobbyists or the extreme fringe positions held by their party.

I think we found one.

Ron Paul, technically is a Republican. Watching him during the debates, however, shows either 1.) how far the party has strayed from stances it once held or 2.) that he's more of a third party candidate, which is a kiss of death in this day and age.

Check the online polls after the next debate - Paul has consistently come out ahead every time thus far. The mainstream media hates him - hell, Sean Hannity tried his best to tear him apart during a live interview following a recent debate. Why? Simple - Paul is absolutely, 100% against the Iraq war (like 70% of American voters). This doesn't fit with the right wing Bush loving pundits who never seem to be able to admit that maybe, just maybe, this adminsitraion has royally screwed this up. Paul's non-interventionist foreign policy is heresey amongst this batch of Neocons, who seek nothing less than control of the entire middle east and, more specifically, the flow of oil from same.

Will he win? It's unlikely. He'll get marginalized, despite his growing popularity, and will be lucky to have an impact similar to what Ross Perot was able to pull off in 1992. Paul does have one advantage Perot did not - the internet. The grassroots support generated by the blogsphere can have an impact, but whether or not it will be enough to actually propel him toward the nomination is unknown. The eventual winner, if not Paul, would be wise to co-opt some of his ideas, thereby gaining some much needed middle of the road support.

Who then, will be the final candiates for the big prize come next summer? Most likely, two people who are technically not even running yet - Republican Fred Thompson and Democrat Al Gore.

That's my call, and I'm sticking to it. Think Rudy Guiliani will ultimately get the support of the Christian Right, what with his three divorces, and liberal stance on abortion and gay rights? Think again. Besides, his entire campaign is pure fear - 9/11 this, 9/11 that, and I think Americans are tired of being scared into voting for candidates like this. John McCain is dropping like a rock, and will likely be fully done before the end of 2007. Mitt Romney? C'mon, he's a Mormon! Remember, there are over 50 million Catholics in this country, and only once has one managed to be elected President. We all know what happened to him, so if you think the Southern Baptists are going to put their support behind this guy, you're nuts. Religion aside, Romney seems to be the least genuine, almost willing to paint himslef as anything which would result in more votes ("I'm a hunter", "Lets double the size of Gitmo!"). In his favor, though, is the fact that he is still married to his first wife - something none of the other GOP candidates mentioned here can say. He's toast once Thompson joins the fray, however. Thompson paints himself as a Reagan type conservative, which will go over big with the party faithful after eight years of Bush.

Over on the Democratic side, it's already narrowing down to a two person race between Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama. Clinton (or Rodham, or whatever she's choosing to go by today) is the front runner, but in every hypothetical matchup with any Repub, she loses. This is a big problem for the Dems, obviously. Obama has support, but many feel he is too inexperienced for the job. Whether that is true or not depends on your world view - Kennedy was also though to be too green for the job, but seemed to do okay. Al Gore is riding high right now, what with his new book and recent movie. He has to put the most fear into the Republican machine - he's been through the whole election mess, and came out unscathed (the best they could do was poke fun at his "I invented the internet" quotes). He received more votes in 2000, but lost, so many have the opinion that he "deserves" the office. Should he decide to join, and there is no reason he needs to rush in any time before the fall, he would immediately vault to the top of the pack. Should he decide to join forces with Obama, he could be unstoppable.

My dream woild be some combination of Paul/Gore, but that will never happen. It should be a very interesting year nontheless.

Please Make An Example Of This Guy

2007-05-25T10:48:00.000-04:00

St. Louis Cardinal pitcher Josh Hancock was killed in an auto accident on April 29. Sad times all around for the Cardinal franchise, Major League Baseball, and of course the friends and family. Further investigation revelaed that Hancock was intoxicated when he smashed into a staionary tow truck and broken down vehicle on I-64, and he died almost instantly.

There's more - from the story on KMOV.com:

Authorities said the 29-year pitcher had a blood content of nearly twice
the legal limit for alcohol in his system when he crashed into the back of the
tow truck. He was also speeding, using a cell phone and wasn't wearing a seat
belt, Police Chief Joe Mokwa said after the accident. Marijuana also was found
in the SUV.

What is the relevance of this post, then? Seems like a pretty clear cut case of one person being completely responsible for the actions which led directly to his death, right?

Wrong. His dad is suing just about everyone in sight.

I don't know what's more disturbing: the fact that such an obviously frivolous lawsuit would even be presented, or the fact that Mr. Hancock seemingly cannot accept the fact that his son did some pretty stupid things which ended up killing him. Seems that Josh was a pretty habitual drinker, which is by no means uncommon for someone his age. It's likely that he could pound down several drinks and not appear drunk - yet the suit names the restaurant (ironically owned by Cardinal broadcaster Mike Shannon) as liable for feeding him booze. Plus, he had weed in the car, was using a cell phone at the time of the crash, and wasn't wearing a seatbelt - all items that are clearly the reponsibilty of the driver.

Dean Hancock's suit also names the tow truck company, since the truck didn't so a good job of avoiding being drilled by Josh's car, apparently. It is unclear whether God has been named for making it dark at the time of the accident.

I can understand being distraught over losing a child - there is no greater tragedy than a parent outliving any of his or her offspring. This, however, is one of the most egregious examples of how screwed up our legal system is. This wouldn't go forward at all unless there were lawyers willing to present it, knowing that if they throw enough things at the wall something will eventually stick. Doesn't personal responsibilty mean anything to anyone? Josh Hancock was completely and totally resposible for his own death. Who is to say that if he didn't crash into the tow truck he wouldn't have hit something else?

It's going to take a judicial system willing to penalize lawyers who specialize in garbage lawsuits like this before this practice goes away once and for all. It's high time a judge stood up and made an example out of someone who would have the audacity to bring a lawsuit like this.

Let's start with this guy.

I Don't Get It

2007-05-14T16:11:00.000-04:00

Welcome to a new recurring feature, called simply "I Don't Get It" It's pretty self explanatory, though it could almost be subtitled "Get off my lawn you goddamned kids!", particularly this entry.

Guys who wear wool caps when it's 75 degrees outside. I don't get it. While typing this in a public coffee shop, I saw a guy walk in, about 30-ish. Since it's about 75 outside, he's got a T-Shirt and jeans on. So far, so good....except for the wool winter hat.

Is it fashionable? Maybe. If it was 1996, and you were 14.

Comfortable? I don't see how. The guy's head must be hot as hell.

And...how does it smell in there? My God, it must be awful once that knit cap finally comes off your head. Is it worth the alleged cool factor to smell like the inside of a gym sock? Ladies, help out here, do you find this sexy in any way?

By the same token, I see many of these same guys wearing shorts and tee shirts when it's 40.

They must be weather proof somehow. That is the only rational explanation.

Now, get the hell off my lawn!

24 Circles The Drain

2007-05-11T09:58:00.000-04:00

It pains me to say this, but it looks as if 24 has finally jumped the shark. (On a separate note, has "jumped the shark" now jumped the shark as well?)

The Fox show has never been more popular, and before you accuse me of going off on one of those "the show was awesome when only a few of us cool people watched, but now that the masses are hip to it it sucks" elitist rants, hear me out. Let's go through this point by point:

1. Real time no longer
The original gimmick on the show was a unique one - the entire season took place in real time. It didn't take long for that to be ignored, to the point now where every single location in Los Angeles is roughly 10 minutes away from CTU. Unless CTU Headquarters is on some sort of floating base, this makes no sense. Not to mention how hair doesn't get mussed, facial hair doesn't sprout, and painful injuries seem to heal quickly without the benefit of medication. I don't know about you, but if someone put a 10 inch drill into my freaking shoulder, I don't think I'd be well enough to go back to work for at least a week.

2. Recycled plot points
CTU is compromised, again. Someone wants to take out the President via the 25th amendment....again. Someone wants to kill the President, again. Another CTU employee with a speaking role is shockingly killed....again. You get the idea.

3. LA - Center of Doom
Since the show is based mostly in LA, the vast majority of terror activity is centered there. This way, Jack Bauer and company are always 10 minutes away from locating and stopping said terror.

4. Hanging plot points
Former President Logan is suddenly shoehorned back into the story, as is his crazy wife Martha and ex-Secret Service agent Aaron Pierce. Within two episodes, after stretching the plot enough to make it so Martha has to stop being batshit crazy long enough to talk to the Soviet first lady, which in turn will prevent an international incident (don't ask), Martha goes off the rails and stabs her ex-husband in the chest. As the clock ticks down to close out the hour, Charles is in the ambulance, crashing, and utters a plaintive "Maaaarthaaa..." as he flatlines. This has never been mentioned since, even in a passing manner, by any character, which makes it seems as if the entire thing was dropped in afterwards for pure shock value. Now, there are still three "hours" left, but by now if anyone brings up the Logan's it will be a clumsy attempt to tie up the numerous loose ends.

The whole thing has been very sloppy, and it is at the point now where most viewers can see things coming a mile away (who didn't call Gradenko's arm being chopped off the minute they placed a tracking device in it?) Word is the producers plan on blowing up the format for season seven, and not a moment too soon. Speculation is perhaps the show will span a 24 day period, which at least opens up some possibilities for the characters to travel.

Please, Fox, rescue this show!

Another Entry In The Scapegoat Sweepstakes

2007-04-18T22:27:00.000-04:00

The blame parade continues. Now that we have a name to connect to the act, along with some background info, the rest of the idiots are coming out of the woodwork.

This guy, much like Tom DeLay post-Columbine, blames science for the VT shootings.

Wow. I'm not even sure I have words for that. How does one connect those dots? Was it even mentioned that the shooter was an atheist? Seems like this is the type of person who will blame every single wretched event on the same thing, so, again, consider thy source.

On the flip side, when someone does something awesome and good, who gets the credit, using this logic?

There is still time to delve into the man's musical tastes. I'm thinking by Tuesday we find out he was into Korn or something, and work that angle. What happens if they find Clay Aiken CD's in his backpack though? Just wondering.

And hey - breaking news - the guy was a bit of a loner. Go figure.

The Inevitable attack on science (Crooks & Liars)

Well THAT Didn't Take Long..

2007-04-17T12:56:00.000-04:00

Shortly after posting the article below, I stumbled across this gem on Fark.

Dr. Phil Blames Video Games For Virginia Tech Massacre

Can't wait to hear from Focus On The Family, et al.

As with Imus....I say consider the source, and move on.

No Sense To Be Made...

2007-04-17T08:01:00.000-04:00

The terrible events in Virginia yesterday will undoubtedly result in the search for some kind of rationale, which can eventually lead to finger pointing, which will result in "closure". The usual scapegoats (video games, music, the culture in general, etc.) will be paraded about and held up to intense scrutiny. People need to find a reason why something like this happened. It's simply our nature.

I'm done looking. After seeing events like this for most of my life (Jonestown, Oklahoma City, Columbine, 9/11, the list is endless), I've come to the conclusion that "reason" simply cannot be part of the equation. There is no sense which can be made here. A terribly disturbed individual or individuals did something which defies all rational thought. There is, and always has been, a proportionate number of people who feel the need to carry out heinous acts. This is an unfortunate fact of living on this planet. It doesn't mean we should lose hope, but I no longer see the value in trying to find out "why?"

Who or what will we be hearing about in the days ahead as a scapegoat is sought?

Video Games
A common choice. Have the games gotten more realistically violent in recent years? Certainly. But anyone who doesn't see the difference between blowing away a zombie on your PlayStation and killing a classmate isn't paying attention. I myself have killed more Nazi's on my computer than perhaps the entire Allied forces in WWII, yet I still recoil when killing a spider in my garage.

Music
I'm sorry, but I will not have this argument. Music and art doesn't shape culture, it reflects it, and again, because an unstable person thinks that a musician is talking to them, and carries out a crime, doesn't make the artist responsible. Next.

Culture
Yes, the culture has become coarsened, but are we as a society more or less likely to have someone snap and do things like this? I tend to think there is a proportional number, but with the instant media we are more likely to hear about them. There are more of us today than there were fifty years ago, hence more psychos.

Guns
Too many guns? Too easy to acquire them? Perhaps, but it is always noted (correctly, in my view) that the law abiding citizen who wants a gun is the only one inconvenienced by the plethora of laws and restrictions imposed. Plus, they are willing to play by the rules when required, since gun ownership is a tremendous responsibility. Enforce the laws we have before adding more. Besides, the gun lobby in this country is immensely powerful, and has weathered storms like this in the past. You are simply not going to get rid of them. Besides, there are other countries which have very similar laws, but a fraction of the violence. Why is that? Is it the Cowboy mentality still permeating our American culture?

There are too many things which don't make sense in our lives. This is one of them. There are too many questions, but no adequate answers.

Thoughts and prayers go out to all affected by this senseless tragedy.

Consider The Source, People

2007-04-10T19:52:00.000-04:00

The Don Imus flap has now reached the media saturation point, as it manges to dip it's toes into both the Sports and News arenas, based on the "victims", the Rutgers women's basketball team coupled with the inside-the-beltway theme of his nationally syndicated morning radio show.

Imus has been working this shtick for 30-plus years, and at times his comments can seem to have emanated from some kind of 70's time warp. As you have know doubt heard, the aging radio icon referred to the Rutgers lady hoopsters as "nappy headed hos". The comment was pretty much off the cuff, as is the nature of radio, and was completely inappropriate. A few days later, here we are, the circus now in town.

Was the comment insensitive? Sure. Insulting? Yep. Racially ignorant? Definitely.

But, let's consider the source for a moment. Imus has not really been culturally relevant for quite some time. He has a national audience, but his ratings aren't exactly setting the industry on fire. He does generate decent billing numbers, which makes his show more attractive for bigger named advertisers looking to reach a more affluent demographic. Still, he is hardly the controversial shock jock he once was, and now spends as much time raising money for charity as he does snapping at his staff.

Again, it's Imus. Imus. It's like when your grandfather says something stupid - you shake your head, chalk it up to age, and move on, since you've undoubtedly tried to enlighten him in the past. If someone whose opinion I didn't give much credence to - let's use Ann Coulter as an example - said that Irish-Americans were a bunch of "whiskey infested morons", how offended would I be? Not very, since I place little to no value on her rants. Similarly, Imus' random racially insensitive comments should be seen through that type of lens.

In his defense, Imus has not hid behind anything when pressed to explain his actions. He has taken his lumps, publicly, perhaps to the point of overkill. He will be meeting face-to-face with the Rutgers team to see the faces of those he offended. He has provided numerous mea culpas on his radio show, from which he will begin serving a two week suspension starting next Monday. He even went on Al Sharpton's radio show to discuss the matter, even though the rambunctious Reverend publicly called for Imus' firing.

Here is where things get weird, to me. It's one thing for the targets of the racially insensitive comments to feel outraged, and demand either a retraction or a public apology from the perpatrator. But when media magnets like Sharpton and Jackson thrust themselves into the mix, it becomes a circus. I don't want to throw religion in the face of the two reverends, but didn't Jesus mention something about turning the other cheek? In fact, he said:

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."

In other words, let it go, for you are not capable of judging. Forgiveness, remember?

How these two still have even a scintilla of credibility in a case like this is beyond me. Jesse "Hymietown" Jackson? Doesn't anyone remember the entire Tawanna Brawley fiasco, which turned out to be a complete hoax? Sharpton played the lead role in trying to destroy a person's life, yet today sees no repercussions. He has never apologized to Steven Pagones, even now, yet this is the man folks are forced to have represent them when searching for "justice"? The Reverend needs to be reminded what that really means.

I come not to defend what Imus said, nor to explain away his actions as simply part of who he is. It just seems like this guy has fallen on his sword so many times, and will pay a price for what was done. We've had the outrage from all corners of the media, and it is now time to move on. The market will dictate what happens to Imus from here on out - my hunch is that there will be a short term hit to his ad revenue and ratings before things return to normal.

Time for the next big story, folks. Let's move past this one.

Coming Up Rosie

2007-04-07T16:51:00.000-04:00

Rosie O'Donnell is at it again. Having remade herself as a lightning rod for controversy, the former comedienne and current panelist on The View has reached new levels of pissing people off with her latest comments regarding the U.S. Government and, more specifically, 9/11.

Rosie, whose presence has energized (and not insignificantly) increased the ratings for The View, has never been afraid to speak her opinion. For that, she should be applauded. Whether or not one agrees with her is not the point - in a free society she has the right to say anything. Free speech is a privilege, and while there are some boundaries (yelling "fire!" in a crowded theatre comes to mind), saying things which might be considered as daffy by some should not be one of them.

Her latest "incendiary" rants concern 9/11. It seems as if she has been reading the plethora of blogs/sites which question the official version of what took pace on that fateful day. Specifically, she questioned the demise of WTC 7, a building near the towers which was not hit by any aircraft but nevertheless collapsed at free fall speed. She is certainly not the first famous person to question this (Charlie Sheen was widely mocked last year for like minded comments), but she is the most prominent. While not directly implicating the US, she continued on a "I do not trust nor believe anything this administration tells me" rant. Again, nothing that hasn't already been stated by others.

The question is not whether or not she has her facts straight - again, the constitution guarantees one the right to speak whether the facts are correct or not. She is simply asking some tough questions about what happened. Many people are determined to accept what occurred and move on. Google "9/11 conspiracy" and see how many others are equally determined to prove or find evidence that what took place was not as it seemed. Is there any validity to the questions? I don't know - I've done some poking around the net myself and found folks on both sides of the fence equally passionate about and confident of their view on the topic. Any event, when looked upon with intense scrutiny, will begin to reveal some anomalies.

I love a good conspiracy, believe me, but this one is tough to swallow. I'm not 100% convinced that everything is as it seemed, but I'm hesitant to explain it all away as a massive conspiracy.

Why, then, the angry response by some? I can understand that many people do not agree with Rosie O'Donnell, a dyed in the wool liberal if ever there was one. That's fine, we live in an allegedly free society where disagreement and dissent should not only be tolerated, but encouraged. The response of those commentators with personal attacks is simply way off base to me. I can disagree all day with folks like Bill O'Reilly (and often do), but I would disagree with the merits of his commentary, and try like hell not to resort to name calling ("Loofah Boy" comes to mind). The common complaint is that questioning 9/11 somehow is insensitive to the feelings of the families of the victims. On the contrary, if someone is of the mindset they are searching for the truth, how can that do any disservice to the victims? If anything, it is coming from a place of profound reverence and respect for said victims. Additionally, there are many families who have publicly expressed their displeasure with the 9/11 Commission report in particular and the Bush administration in general for their actions regarding 9/11, so the blowhards contention holds little water. Where was this outrage when Conservative commentator Ann Coulter publicly called out a group of 9/11 widows to "shut up and get over it"? Didn't hear a peep from Hannity, O'Reilly, et al then, did we?

Then the angry response is directed towards Barbara Walters, executive producer of The View. She has lost all of her journalistic credibility now, they wail. I point out that she has always been more focused on the entertainment end all along, what with her soft focus personal interviews with stars and inane "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?" questions. She is no dummy, and knew that installing Rosie in the seat vacated by Meredith Viera would be just the kick in the pants the show needed to regain its relevance. Fire Rosie for her comments? Hell no, this should result in a raise! Is allowing O'Donnell to pontificate on this topic "irresponsible"? I don't think so, not when there are others at the same table who question her comments on the spot.

Democracy and free speech are not subjected to double standards. People will say things every day with which we do not agree. That doesn't mean we need to silence them. America gives one the right to make a fool of oneself. When the responses are angry, as opposed to simply dismissive, they look foolish by comparison.

An important lesson to learn, liberals, the next time Coulter says something completely off the rails, which should happen any day now.

Random Thoughts: Language

2007-03-25T20:09:00.001-04:00

With a nod of respect to my all time favorite stand-up comic, George Carlin….an homage:

Isn’t “Pre-owned” the same way of saying “new”? I always though “pre” meant “prior to”, not “previously”. Another example of lazy language.

Why do people refer to the canned treat as “Tuna Fish”? What else can tuna possibly be? You never hear anyone say “Pass me some of that Turkey Bird, please.”

Why do “fat chance” and “slim chance” both mean “virtually no chance”?

From baseball, why are wild pitches always “uncorked”?

Why aren’t happy people ever described as being “gruntled”? “Disgruntled” is used all the time when talking about angry or sad folks, right?

For that matter, have you ever furled something? Flags are always unfurled, but rarely furled.

Why is it suddenly difficult for people to spell “lose”? Seems like everywhere I look, people are sounding out the long “o” sound and spelling it “loose”.

These are the things I think about when I’m stuck on the train with no iPod or reading material.

The Line Just Moved Again

2007-03-15T14:06:00.000-04:00

I'm still a fan of so-called "reality" TV and Game Shows, despite some of the recent offerings. Two new shows have lowered the bar, and the line I said I wouldn't cross just keeps moving.

To wit:
Do we really need another Pussycat Doll? It seems that they already have about five members too many in this "band". I suppose it's more titillating to have the half-dressed stripper band audition for a new hoochie mama, which would presumably equal ratings. Then I remembered this show was on The CW (who named this network?), where anything over 100 viewers is considered a good showing. Why a group with one member who has even the slightest bit of music related talent (that would be the lead singer, whose name I am too lazy to even Google) would need another person to compete for face (and midriff, and butt cheek) time in the next video is beyond me, but I guess that's why I'm not a TV executive.

Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?, on the other hand, is a steaming pile of garbage. Forget the fact that in a one hour episode they will ask about six questions. Forget the fact that this show received ridiculously high ratings thanks to the American Idol lead-in. Forget the fact that the kids in the show are obviously pros brought in to act precocious. Forget all of that.

What gets me is that the powers that be feel the need to dumb everything down so much that even the title of the show leaves zero doubt as to what the game is about. it's the same school of thought used in Hollywood whereby any and every sequel needs to be a repeat of the original movie title with a sequential number tacked on the end - obviously American audiences are too stupid to figure out what is going on, and won't see the film.

Honestly, if this show was pitched 10-15 years ago, wouldn't you think the title would've been something a little more creative? Something like Beat The Geniuses, or Whippersnappers! if The Price Is Right was being pitched today by these clowns, it would end up being called Guess The Actual Retail Price, But Don't Go Over! I imagine Jeopardy! would end up as Here's The Answer, What Is The Question?

I wait for the inevitable next game show, soon to appear on Fox/CBS/NBC: Answer These Trivia Question To Win Cash!

Classic Album Corner

2007-03-04T15:39:00.001-05:00

Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Welcome To The Pleasuredome
ZTT/Island Records
1984

The saga of Frankie Goes To Hollywood, seen through the prism of time, shows a remarkable example of the full convergence of marketing, hype and music colliding into one big ball at just the right time. Destined to have a short shelf life, Frankie nevertheless milked as much as possible from their moment in time, and produced some of the most memorable records of the 1980’s. Remembered almost as much for the T-Shirts ("Frankie Say...") which popped up all over that summer, the singles went a long way toward justifying the fuss.

The long awaited album, Welcome To The Pleasuredome, followed the enormous success (particularly in the UK) of their first two singles, “Relax” and “Two Tribes”. The themes of the songs, sex and politics, respectively, were common and universal. Match that up with a pulsating, danceable song and you had the recipe for widespread success. Trevor Horn’s impeccable production, along with the proliferation of countless remixes helped keep Frankie on everyone’s radar throughout the summer of ’84. The biggest boost of all came courtesy of the BBC, whose radio division saw the need to ban “Relax” from their airwaves, allegedly after one of the DJ’s looked at the cover of the 12” single and was taken aback. With the forbidden fruit thing now in play, “Relax” surged back to the top ten, and at one point Frankie had both the #1 and #2 songs on the UK Pop Charts. Pleasuredome was scheduled for a fall release, and the factories were allegedly working overtime to press enough vinyl to meet the overwhelming demand.

For the purposes of Classic Album Corner, I’m reviewing the CD version, released in 1988. This was, in my view, a superior release, cleaning up some of the ennui from the original album, and adding preferred remixes in place of single versions.

The record kicks off with what amount to an eighteen minute version of the title track. It’s an epic beginning, with the “Hoo Hah, Hoo HAH” backing vocals along with lead singer Holly Johnson singing about Xanadu and Kubla Khan. A subsequent attempt to make a single out of this just didn’t work, as it seemed to work much better as an extended outing. One couldn’t shake the feeling that the actual band had very little to do with the song, though, as Horn brought in a solid group of backup musicians (including Yes axeman Steve Howe) to augment the band. In that aspect, I tend to view “Frankie” as more than just the five listed members of the band, since without Horn none of this would have been possible.

Of course. “Relax” and “Two Tribes” are here. The album used shortened single versions of each, which were okay. The CD, however, wisely chose the best remix of “Two Tribes”, clocking in at over nine minutes. It remains in my view the most powerful of all the versions, using the disembodied voice which mentions what to do when you hear the air attack warning. It is chilling, theatrical, and danceable all at the same time, and it is nothing short of brilliant.

A cover of Edwin Starr’s “War”, done seemingly to hammer home the point made in “Two Tribes”, was passable, but not much of an improvement over the original. Adding the voice of a Reagan impersonator added some uniqueness, and made it topical at the time, but now dates the record. The band wasn’t done with cover versions, however, not by a long shot. Ranging from campy (“Do You Know The Way To San Jose”) to a tribute to their home city of Liverpool (“Ferry Cross The Mersey”) to downright ballsy (“Born To Run”!), the band handled each with typical aplomb. “San Jose” was left off the CD release, replaced by the gorgeous “Happy Hi”. “Happy Hi” showed a different side to the band, and proved they were capable of more than sexual/political songs. It’s lilting keyboard riff and subdued vocal evokes the feeling of a lazy day in the park.

The album wraps up with what amounts to the remainder of the Frankie original catalog. The tunes are best described as mid-temp mid-80’s white boy funk. “The Only Star In Heaven” and “Black Night White Light” fall into this category. "Wish (The Lads Were Here)" and "Krisco Kisses" maintained the upbeat nature of this section for the record nicely. The closing tune, “The Power of Love”, represents Frankie’s attempt at a lush, sweeping ballad. As expected, the production is excellent, but the lyrics leave something to be desired. Declaring your love for someone is one thing, but mentioning vampires and hooded claws ventures into some freaky territory. The fact that the video for the song was released around Christmas and depicted the Nativity just added to the confusion. Of course, just in case you didn’t get the point yet, the album ends with a audio T-Shirt of the Reagan voice intoning “Frankie Say…..no more”.

Frankie went on to release another record in 1986, the more subdued Liverpool. While a decent follow up effort, it was obviously never going to generate the buzz of Pleasuredome. The band toured in support of the record, then dissolved in 1987 amongst infighting between members. The VH1 show Bands Reuntied did a segment on them, and they all seemed to be pretty happy and well adjusted since the bands demise. Lead singer Holly Johnson, however, proved to be quite the diva, and scuttled the attempted reunion by refusing to perform. Too bad for us Frankie fans, but maybe we’re better off hanging on to the memories from back in the day.

Frankie's Allmusic entry

The Apprentice Finally Jumps The Shark

2007-02-16T14:10:00.000-05:00

Wow, another show that was once prime water cooler material looks to be on the verge of biting the dust. The Mark Burnett/Donald Trump egofest, The Apprentice, is taking a ratings beating so far in this, its fifth season.
Now, scheduling could be a big part, as the Sunday night slot doesn’t seem well suited for a reality show like this one. I think it goes a bit beyond that though.

Trump seems to be going off the rails. First, he engages in the public feud with Rosie O’Donnell, as each celebrity ego was unable to simply let things go, engaging in a bitter battle via the media. It wouldn’t be crazy to imagine each one perpetuating the feud to pump up the hype for their respective shows.

Watching the current season, with all of the shakeups both he and Burnett implemented, seems to have thrown the show off balance. Gone are the viceroys we had come to enjoy: George, the loveable, crotchety old guy, and Carolyn, the icy businesswoman who saw through every wannabe who tried to feed corporate-speak bullshit to Trump and Co. when defending a lost task. These two seemed to keep teh show somewhat grounded, and more importantly kept Trump from being completely wacky. Gone was the New York scenery, as the show relocated to Los Angeles. Having the losing team each week sleep outside just strips any semblance of a business related experience out the window, and turns the show into some kind of second rate Survivor. Additionally, the tasks have become mundane to the point of being nothing more than a product placement as subtle as a hammer to the forehead.

Trump himself contradicts himself from week to week, sometimes within the same episode. He rails at one winning project manager turned viceroy (another lame “twist” introduced this season) for not being vocal enough in the boardroom. The next week, when another winning PM is in the chair, and knows what happened to the other guy, he calls her out for being a “hard ass” for simply doing what he apparently wanted.

The nadir might have been in the second episode. The winning team that week got the “reward” of visiting the Playboy mansion, and meeting Hugh Hefner. Forget the fact that the team consisted of six women, one gay man, and one straight guy. The sight of a gross octogenarian in a bathrobe, his three girlfriends, interacting with The Donald created a vortex of gross not seen since Playboy After Dark. The best part: Hef tried to impart his business acumen on the eager young professionals. Let’s see, Hef basically banked on the fact that young males would like to buy a magazine and see girl boobies. Genius! Pay attention kids, you might learn something.

It would not be at all surprising to see the show cancelled once this cycle ends, if not sooner. It seems to have run its course, and no amount of messing with the format can change that. Somehow, Trump will spin the failure as a positive event which he instigated, taking credit for pulling the plug while he was still on top or some such nonsense.

Of course, I’m still watching, but then again, I’m an idiot.

Jump The Shark

Why do people care about this?

2007-02-11T22:35:00.000-05:00

Upon learning of the death this week of Anna Nicole Smith, after the news settled in, I found myself thinking of how the news must have reverberated around the halls of a place like, say, the offices at People magazine. I imagine it was something similar to The New York Times after JFK was shot. You know, “drop everything you’re working on and get on this story, stat!”

Smith was not unique in today’s culture of celebrity. By any stretch of the imagination, she didn’t have any particular talent. She was simply a small town girl who was “discovered” in a Wal-Mart or a strip club or some such place. Being physically well endowed, she was able to parlay that into a Playboy layout, etc. From that point on, her life took turns even the most desperate Hollywood screenwriter would find too strange for words. The marriage to the old geezer, the weight gain, the slurred speech laden public appearances, the pregnancy, the death of her son, etc. - all would be dismissed out of hand if pitched by a fledgling young writer. It would simply not be plausible.

Still, despite being a tabloid mainstay, the fact remains that she was not “talented”. She was a “celebrity”, which is a huge distinction. Deeper questions began to rattle around in my head, such as “Why did anyone care what went on in this person’s life?”

Why, indeed?

This culture of celebrity is relatively new, as far as I can tell. I can’t imagine people clamoring to know what Picasso did in his spare time, or writing about who Michelangelo was taking to the orgy. What is it that makes ordinary people care what famous people do when not performing? Is it the fact that you can’t go two steps without hearing or seeing infotainment? In the supermarket while checking out one is bombarded by several publications devoted entirely to the comings and goings of celebs. I’m embarrassed to say that when I’m stuck there I read them too. It’s either that or scan the candy selection and make an unnecessary purchase. If you’re able to avoid that mass of info, you go home, and thwack on the TV. Hmm...not safe here either, as entire channels (E!) are setup to report on this stuff like it’s real news. Dumbed down faux News programs like Inside Edition and Access Hollywood treat any red carpet as if it were a meeting amongst world leaders. What was Jennifer Lopez wearing? Tune in and see!

You keep changing channels, settling on your local news. Ah, some information about stuff and places that are actually relevant to you, right? Wrong – depending on with network which the channel is affiliated, you can expect some promos for an upcoming show, disguised as “news”. There was inevitably be a feature, usually called “people in the News” or something, which goes over the latest celeb stuff. Your favorite newspaper is not immune either, also sporting a section devoted to this information.

The way the word “people” is used sheds some light on this whole phenomenon, doesn’t it? When the magazine started, it purported to be about some ordinary folks like you and me, with celebrity stuff thrown in as well. It has come to mean something more along the lines of People…..who are nothing like you, make more money, live more lavishly, and are just more important and interesting that you could ever hope to be.

I’m not trying to sound like some elitist, really. I admit a casual passing interest in some of this “news”, but I don’t ever find myself seeking it out. There really is no need, as documented above – the “news” finds you (there is a Yakov Smirnoff joke in there somewhere). What I can’t understand is why people see the need to do that. Some theories, straight from the armchair psychologist, are below:

Escapism
Okay, this one might make a little sense. Our lives are full of everyday drudgery and aren’t really that exciting, so why not look in and see what the so anointed celebrities are up to? Their big houses and party lifestyles are something we don’t necessarily aspire to, but love to hear about nonetheless. Still, when taking to the degree we see today, it's just ugly.

Worship
We feel like we know these people, even though we don’t. They come into our homes, ipods, etc. whenever we want. We want to find out as much about them as possible, like we would an actual friend. This starts to border on the creepy if you ask me – I loved Goodfellas, but I don't think Joe Pesci cares what I thought, nor do I feel like I know him. We only know what these people and their handlers want us to know (see, George Clooney was at the Save The Whales benefit – isn’t he a great guy?). When the story inevitably comes out about misdeeds we are shocked, shocked to find that these people aren’t who we thought they were! (O.J., many, many others) The really disturbing aspect is when a person with no discernible talent, like the aforementioned Anna Nicole, as well as Paris Hilton, become people of interest. Their talent is being famous, and it’s a chicken/egg thing after that.

Equalization
Not sure if that is the right word or not, but….when the 24/7/365 celeb “news” culture reveals every little detail about someone’s personal life, it lends itself to humanizing the celebrity. When the bored housewife stuck in a bad marriage sees that even someone as beautiful, rich and famous as Jennifer Aniston can have martial problems with a beautiful, rich and famous husband like Brad Pitt, well, then she can feel that she and Jennifer aren’t really that different, are they? See, Jessica Simpson struggled with acne and a seemingly storybook marriage gone wrong, just like you! Poor Nick Lachey, he gave her his heart and got dumped!

Whatever the reason, it’s all a crock. The only time in my life where the whole celebrity worship machine seemed to grind to a halt was right after 9/11, which turned the focus back on real heroes, and the spirit of people helping each other. Celebs got involved, but downplayed the whole angle and actually used their notoriety in a positive way, to help raise money for relief. It didn’t take very long for things to return to normal. Caring about nothing important became one of the things mentioned that helped get America back to normal. Sigh.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go check out E!, they’re about to run a new special, 100 Biggest Fashion Faux pas on the Red Carpet, or something like that. I have some ideas about what will be #1, but I’ll probably kill myself before we get that far.

Classic Album Corner

2007-02-07T13:23:00.000-05:00

X
Under The Big Black Sun
(1982)

X burst on to the LA punk scene in 1980 with their raucous debut album, Los Angeles. The follow-up, 1981’s Wild Gift was a critical smash, but alas never received the nationwide airplay it deserved. Calling X a punk band seemed to be a bit of pigeonholing to me – they were at the core a rock band who played at faster tempos. For one thing, the songs of X had actual melodies, unlike much of the hardcore punk from that era. The vocal interplay between then husband and wife John Doe and Exene Cervenka was unlike any other band of the time. The fact that each record was produced by former Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek lent the group a bit of credibility in the “rock” world. (though it was funny to read a letter in Rolling Stone in ’81 or so which decried the current state of music, specifically mentioning a photo of Ray on stage with X that appeared in an earlier issue, which the writer described as “Ray Manzarek playing with some New Wave band”). Give me a break, writer, this band could “rock” circles around the dinosaur acts of the era like The Who, were were retiring, and corporate bland crap like Styx and Journey. (This will have to be an entirely different post, but I do not understand the current wave of nostalgia for Journey. They sucked then, and they suck now, and the passage of time has not changed anything, at least in my eyes. Who enjoys this passionless garbage?)

In early 1982, X made the leap and was signed to a major label, Elektra. This kind of step was often seen as selling out by the hardcore members of the punk scene, but for X it seemed to be the next logical step – they had accomplished everything possible on indie label Slash, and were ready for the big time. If they could garner wider acceptance without compromising their sound (always the most difficult thing for a band to do), everyone would be satisfied.

My first exposure to the group came in early September of 1982. I knew of the band, but no radio station on the East Coast was playing them, so had never actually heard any of their songs. While watching the Jerry Lewis telethon (hey, I was working the late shift, and not much else was on in those pre-cable days), I saw them be introduced by Mr. Lewis. I was thrown for a loop – this was what major labels forced bands to do? I can only imagine the reactions from many of the older folks in the audience and watching at home when Exene took the mic and began to sing. She was really the only member of the band who could be classified as having an odd appearance – the other male members of the band, Doe, Billy Zoom and DJ Bonebrake, looked like very straight arrow types. They performed “Blue Spark”, from their new major label debut record Under The Big Black Sun, and they killed. I was immediately hooked, and wanted to hear more. I ran out the very next day and bought the record. Really, I ran. I was not disappointed, as you can probably tell.

The record kicks off with a bang, as “The Hungry Wolf” launches with Zoom’s powerful lead guitar riff, backed by the steady pounding drums of Bonebrake, and we’re off and running. Doe and Cervenka share the vocals on just about every song, at various times singing with each other, against each other, or one behind the other. This was one of the things that made X’s sound so unique.

While death is a theme which permeates the record, it would be a mistake to assume that X was a dark band obsessed with goth images, etc. As the liner notes indicate, Exene’s sister Mary was killed the previous year in a car accident, and the songs which allude to her are more mournful than anything else. “Riding With Mary” is the most direct, playing off the same name as the Saint while sporting the couplet “The next time you see a statue of Mary/ Remember my sister was in a car”. “Come Back to Me” is a poignant, slow song performed solely by Cervenka, as one imagines it should have been. The rest of the record rocks as hard as ever, even their cover of an old Leadbelly tune “Dancing With Tears In My Eyes”, and grows on the listener with each play.

X followed in 1983 with More Fun In The New World, which also failed to reach the critical mass Elektra had hoped for, though a cover of “Breathless” got a little attention. The band later explored a return to Roots based rock, hooking up with Dave Alvin of the Blasters (eventually making him a member after Zoom’s departure).

To most hard core X fans, Under The Big Black Sun is not even their favorite record (Wild Gift usually get that distinction). For me, there was just the magic of one’s first exposure to a band that makes that particular record the one listened to and cherished the most.

The album was reissued in 2001, and is available on iTunes.
X (AllMusic)

For All 24 Fans

2007-02-07T07:21:00.000-05:00

If you watch 24, then damn it, you will love this.

Does Anyone Remember The Laughter?

2007-02-03T19:49:00.001-05:00

The evidence mounts each day that I am rapidly becoming an old fart. To wit, as I was driving home with my daughter the other day, the game of radio bingo unfolded. Most of the time, I’ll switch to the Top 40 station when she’s in the car with me, and even tough I’ll be subjected to garbage like Fergie (whom I absolutely cannot stand), they toss in enough Green Day and some Emo to keep me quiet. I dare say that Justin Timberlake, of all people, has grown on me. (Hey, c’mon, he did bring sexy back, after all). Good Lord, what is happening to me?!

On occasion, like during commercial breaks, we both start poking the presets. In my car, they range from one station which will play rock (older and newer) to a classic rock station which to my knowledge has no awareness that the 90’s even happened.

During one of these button surfing exchanges, we stumbled upon “Stairway to Heaven”, the Led Zeppelin classic. My daughter had never heard it. “Well, you’re in for a treat!” I said. Once she heard the song was over seven minutes, she bristled. In her world no song lasts that long. Also? When was it going to speed up?

Try this some time. Try explaining the significance of a song to someone who has never heard it before. It would be like my mother trying to convey just how big Benny Goodman was back in the day. I’d listen, but just wouldn’t understand what the fuss was about.

I told my daughter that this song, for whatever reason, is the most popular Zeppelin song of all, for reasons I still don’t understand. (Personally, it wouldn’t even be in my Top 20 if I were to rank all Zeppelin songs). I went on to explain that every time a radio station did one of the “Top 500 Songs of ALL TIME” countdowns, this always came in at #1. How it was played at every Middle School dance, and the kids went wild, even though dancing to it was virtually impossible. How every stupid boy would be able to air drum and air guitar every single moment of this song, while demonstrating the same on my steering wheel as we headed home. To frame Zeppelin, I had to mention that the guy playing the wailing guitar was the same guy who played on Puff Daddy’s “Come With Me”. To her credit, she didn’t roll her eyes and think me an idiot, at least not outwardly. I love that kid!

Someday, she’ll be in the car with her kid, and will have to explain the cultural significance of “Hips Don’t Lie” or "Fergalicious", and I can’t wait to hear how that conversation goes.

The Freakishness That is The Disney Universe

2007-01-29T14:08:00.000-05:00

Disney is so pervasive in our culture that rarely does one step back and take a look at the main characters, and the weird setup of the world they inhabit. Since I am bored out of my mind when forced to watch the endless stream of Disney Channel junk (thanks kids, love ya!), my mind has often wandered to the abilities and limitations of the animals which have come to represent this company. My thoughts on this vital matter follow below.

To wit, we all know Mickey Mouse, the signature icon of the entire organization. Mickey, along with his wife (?) Minnie, both are clearly not typical mice. For starters, they each walk upright, on two legs, which most mice couldn’t do for more than a few terrified steps before crashing to the floor. They’re fully clothed as well, Mickey sporting an odd ensemble of shorts with suspenders with no shirt, while Minine has a more gender traditional pink polka-dot dress, with matching big ass bow in her….well, I can’t call it hair, since these two both appear to be hairless. Let’s just say the bow sits on the spot of her head where a human who had hair would logically place it. The big thing which separates these two from the rest of their species is, remarkably, the power of speech. High pitched, annoying speech, but speech nonetheless.

That ability seems to be the great divider among animals in the Disney world. The resident ducks, Donald, Daisy and what apparently are only Donald’s nephews Huey, Looie and Dooey, all have the ability to speak, albeit in an almost unintelligible squawk. The fact that he has nephews means he must have a brother or sister, whom, logically, would also have the walking upright/speech capability as well. To my knowledge, this individual, along with his or her mate with whom these little brats were produced, is not known. The fact that this special group of ducks never seem to wear pants is yet another puzzling aspect of the (now frozen, apparently) mind of Walt Disney. Would it have killed him to cover up the lower halves of these animals, since he already put shirts on them, or is this some sort of bizarre symmetry with the shirtless Mickey? Strange decision indeed Walt.

The one species where things really get weird, though, is dogs. Is Disney’s Universe, the canine pecking order is clearly established: If you can speak and walk on two legs, you are superior to all other doggies. Those barking on all fours are left to play subservient roles as pets. Goofy falls into the former category, and despite being dumb as a bag of hammers, he holds a clear advantage over Pluto, who can be nothing more than the loyal pet of the freakish talking mouse. Goofy apparently has procreated at some point as well, as a son emerged in later years. This puppy has the double bonus of not only inheriting his Dad’s speech/walking ability, but not being cursed with his father’s limited intellect. The mother of said child is unknown, at least to me, and I do not have the energy to Google it. The fact that Pluto and Goofy appear to be of the same breed must drive Pluto crazy, as he knows he is clearly smarter than dumbass Goofy, yet can’t articulate his thoughts beyond a series of powerful barks and awkward points with his paw. Another dog, who tends to play the villain role, is a bulldog named Pete. Pete too is one of the blessed ones, not only having the walking/talking thing mastered, but also, thankfully, opting to wear trousers. Pete has a pet bulldog, which is just plain creepy and is tantamount to slavery, right? Pete’s pet dog, whose name escapes me and really isn’t relevant, plays the role to the hilt, and is clearly subservient to his “master”, even though, like Pluto, one speculates the pet might be at least as smart as the owner, if not more so. If Mickey had a mouse for a pet, wouldn’t that be sort of weird? Same dynamic here, and it is just plain ugly.

Other cartoon characters also employed the speech/upright walking paradigm, specifically in the Loony Tunes world. The difference there was that whenever Bugs Bunny interacted with another animal, that animal was on somewhat equal footing, since it also possessed the human like characteristics. In Disney’s land, clear lines are drawn within the same species.

What this all says about Mr. Disney himself is unclear, at least to an armchair psychologist like me. My entirely non-expert opinion, though, is that the guy clearly had some serious issues, mostly regarding pants. Maybe when they thaw him out and reanimate his corpse, we can get some real answers. Until then, we can only speculate.

Stupid People Are Here To Amuse Us

2007-01-26T08:54:00.000-05:00

This is always my favorite part of the whole American Idol cycle. The time when we only see brief snippets of the wannabes who will end up competing for the coveted title of The Guy/Girl Who Gets to Have His/Her Spirit Crushed by 19 Entertainment. The time when we are shown the parade of train wrecks who fit neatly into one of the following categories:

Category One: Delusional famewhores who think they can actually sing
Absolutely the best ones to watch. The hunch is these people do really well at Karoke night with their co-workers, and say “Why not me?” after a few beers and encouragement from the others. Reality sets in pretty quickly, but for many it is simply too incredible to believe that the judges can’t recognize the abundance of talent oozing from every pore. They are usually afforded a slice of airtime to air their displeasure toward the judges as they exit the venue. Numerous bleeps ensue. Good times.

Category Two: Children of people who are delusional famewhores, but need to live vicariously through their children
A close second is this bunch. The truly scary parents who seemingly have never told their precious baby that he/she is not the absolute best at everything he or she has ever tried. The best are the ones who claim to have experienced a modicum of “fame” themselves, which normally ends up being High School Chorus and/or being a groupie that time KajaGooGoo came to town in ‘83. When their child is told in no uncertain terms that “it’s a no”, the indignation that sets in is priceless. Of course, the cameras are there to catch it all, following the vanquished contestant and family out the door and into the street, for as long as the rant lasts. First rejection is a bitch, ain’t it?

Category Three: Goofballs who just want to get on TV, no matter the cost
Everybody should be in on this joke, least of all the producers. The more outlandish the “act”, the better shot at a few minutes of precious airtime on a top rated TV show. Dressing in a goofy costume often works, but being plain ol’ batshit crazy works just as well. Bonus points are awarded when you yourself never acknowledge the act, and stay in character all the way out of the room. Later, you can go home and collect on your bets when the show airs and you are given primo exposure.

Category Four: Actual mentally challenged people
Wait, how can this be? You mean the producers will actually allow folks with clear mental disabilities to go in front of the panel, attempt to sing, and be subsequently humiliated? Believe it or not people, there actually is a line, and this is where Fox et al cross it. There is no doubt the producers know when a person is not completely self aware and competent to be on this show. Having people with clear issues perform for us like monkeys is just plain ridiculous. One argument, “If they’re not ‘well’ how did they get themselves there and decide to perform” simply doesn’t wash, as there are many folks with limited disabilities who are self sufficient with basic life skills, but lack social awareness. Nobody is around to prevent them form going to Idol. Nobody, that is, except Idol itself, which obviously values mocking all over compassion and decency.

I understand it is a fine line, and the fact that millions of people watch these early rounds could be seen as a validation of the entire format. I myself stated how much I enjoy these rounds, and wonder if by watching I am part of the problem. Fox took some heat after the first few episodes aired, but mostly for the perceived cruel remarks from the panel. Simon Cowell, we expect that kind of thing from of course, but in some of the early round Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson got into the fray as well. It looked like a recent episode was pared down since it was light on the negative comments, but that might have been due to the fact that it was only a one hour show, unlike the normal two hour suckfest normally shown at this stage.

The producers can claim ignorance, since they’re not doctors, but it doesn’t take years of training to identify some of the limitations displayed by several contestants. Want to give them a chance? Fine, but must it be aired? It would be easy to quietly tell the panel that this next contestant has some issues, and the audition will not be aired, allowing them to perhaps display some class and gently let the person know that Hollywood just isn’t going to happen.

Oh jeez, who am I kidding, this is Fox. Guess we’ll have to shower after these episodes air and buck up for the Hollywood rounds, and hope that a little backlash makes them rethink the strategy next season. I’m not holding my breath.

Currently wearing out my iPod.....

2007-01-21T21:06:00.000-05:00

Like anyone should give a crap about anyone else’s iPod, right? Relax, this won’t be a list of all the stuff currently on my device. This soon to be recurring feature will feature songs that I’m currently enjoying. You might not like them, you might love ‘em. Either way, I suggest you check them out.

Two new songs, which unlike most stuff on my iPod actually are new, are currently in heavy rotation on said device, and warrant your listening attention.

Cold War Kids, “Hang Me Up To Dry”

This was a featured Single of the Week on iTunes a few weeks back, and if you were lucky enough to grab it, kudos to you. I can’t see this ever becoming a radio-friendly hit, but it definitely grows on you with repeated listens. Like the song below, I have a need to hear this song daily. These guys manage to sound unlike anyone else, and the pulsating tempo is still in my head hours after each listen. Very promising...

Cold War Kids (myspace page)

Pete Yorn, “For Us”

Caught this on the VH1 Video Countdown show last weekend, sandwiched among nineteen other songs commonly heard on any pop radio station. How this made the list puzzles me: I haven’t heard it on the radio at all, and the video is certainly nothing extraordinary. The song, however, is catchy as hell, and I find it necessary to listen to it at least once per day, usually more than that. I have not heard anything else from Yorn, but “For Us” is a great tune, straightforward Indie guitar based pop. Dave Grohl chips in on the drums for the tune, which just adds to the cool. I will definitely check out the rest of his current album on Rhapsody, and can see more purchases in my future if those songs are anywhere near this good.

Pete Yorn's Site

Check them out, you won’t be disappointed.

An Announcement

2007-01-20T16:46:00.000-05:00

This blog has become disjointed, in my view, by combining sports entries with my ordinary rants/recommendations/musings. The solution: set up a separate blog (called Bristol I My Rear View Mirror) entirely for sports related stuff. While I don’t think I’ll be a threat to the top sports blogs out there, all linked on the right side on the main page of the new site for your convenience, I still will have something to contribute.

To review:

What? (where you are right now) – All the non-Sports related stuff I feel like writing about.

Bristol In My Rear View Mirror (linked at right) – Sports stuff only.

Got it? Good. Enjoy!

NFL Picks - Divisional Playoffs

2007-01-13T16:18:00.000-05:00

Not a bad Wild Card week, as I managed to go 3-1, faltering only by showing faith that Kansas City would somehow manage to do something, anything against the previously woeful Indy defense. Silly me. The divisional round features some great matchups, and I've been going back and forth on just about every game before deciding on my selections as follows.....

SATURDAY
Indianapolis at Baltimore
Hmm..do we congratulate the Colts for winning despite a relatively bad performance by Peyton Manning? Maybe, but the Chiefs were as bad as the Colts were good, so I'm not sure how much can be taken from last week. The Ravens are built to win in the post-season, with a solid, ball-hawking defense couples with a much more reliable offense than what's been put out there in recent years. the big key is here, if Baltimore can control the line of scrimmage while on offense, grind the clock and keep Manning and Co. off the field, the defense can do the rest.
No way the Colt defense can reproduce last week's result while outside, on the road, and on grass. It could be an ugly game, but I'll go with the home team.
Ravens 20 Colts 10

Philadelphia at New Orleans
An absolutely unthinkable matchup a year ago. Saints are the story of 2006, while Philly is perhaps the hottest team in the league. So, what prevails, the momentum of a team riding high with a rejuvantated Jeff Garcia? Or a team who has attempted to lift an entire city on its collective back? Tough call, but with Philadelphia DB Lito Sheppard out of this game with the elbow injury, the Saints explosive offense gains a bit of an advantage. This could be the most entertaining game of the weekend, and once again the pick here is with the home team.
Saints 27 Eagles 23

SUNDAY
Seattle at Chicago
Rarely has a #1 seeded team gone into the playoffs with so many question marks. The Bears look like a team that might have peaked in October, and have limped to the finish. Despite defensive lapses and injuries, and the incredibly inconsistent play of QB Rex Grossman, Chicago still is the team to beat, and the Seahawks are not getting past them. I can't remember a team in wihch the defense and special teams are an equal threat to match the point totals generated by the offnse, but Chicago is that team. Rex Grossman can quiet the critics, for one week at least, and guide the Bears to an easy home win.
Bears 27 Seahawks 10

New England at San Diego
The NFL wisely saved the best for last, as this one should be a dandy. Bill Bellichick and his 3 rings against Marty Schottenheimer and his ugly playoff record. Post-season hero Tom Brady against first time playoff starter Phillip Rivers. Hmm, based on those two factors, it's all Pats, however superstud RB LaDanian Tomlinson is the X-factor. How the Pats handle LDT is the obvious key to the game. Look, he is too good a player to not get his yards, and even a TD or two, but if New England can handle the rest of the offense adequately, that might be enough. They force Rivers to beat them, and they're in good shape. The Charger D has been back on track since Merriman returned, but Brady and his no-name receiving corps, along with the two pronged ground attack of Maroney and Dillon, should be able to find some holes and out up some points. Another big point: the Pats got jobbed on the road at Denver last year, which is the only post-season belmish on this group's record. That game is avenged here. My only road choice of the round, ladies and gents, is the Patriots.
Patriots 24 Chargers 20

Last week: 3-1

Recommendation of the week: Drink Til We're Funny

2007-01-05T22:32:00.000-05:00

If you’re into podcasts, the choices presented to you are expanding almost daily. Finding new things to subscribe to via Itunes or any other provider can be an exhausting exercise, and the glut of content available contains some real drivel. Some, however, do stand out. For example, if you’re in a particularly silly mood, check out the entertaining weekly musings of Justin, Jon and Deena, on Drink ‘Til We’re Funny .

The three friends gather together each week and produce some entertaining babble about anything that strikes their fancy, though just about every podcast can’t go on too long without eventually getting around to three basic topics: fat, poop and/or death. You might need to be forewarned that Jon and Justin are both gay (one might say "flaming"), and openly talk about their respective lives, which oddly enough involve lots of gay related stuff. That doesn’t make this a queercast by any means, and open-minded straight listeners (like yours truly) will find plenty to laugh about while the three friends banter on about any other topics and events that strike their collective fancy. Deena is not gay, but is funny as hell – not that those are mutually exclusive. All three of them have heavy duty Chicago accents, which is kind of endearing if you’re not from that area.

If you’re one of those people who loves to correct the grammar of others, or loves to constantly play on words and phrases as others speak, or just likes listening to some genuinely funny folks, you’ll really get a kick out of these guys. Give DTWF a try, you won’t regret it!

NFL Picks - Wild Card Edition

2007-01-05T22:10:00.000-05:00

What a wild finish to the regular season last week, as a series of unlikely events resulted in the Kansas City Chiefs gaining the final AFC playoff spot, the Lions went into Texas Stadium and shocked the Cowboys into a lower seed, and Bill Cowher went out with an OT touchdown to knock out the Bengals. Now, it's on to the second season, and here are the picks for the opening slate of games.

SATURDAY
Kansas City 27 Indianapolis 24
It's obvious, for anyone who has been reading this blog, that I'm going with KC, right? Personal loyalty aside, the Chiefs can win this one. The obvious matchup in their favor is Larry Johnson against the league's worst rushing defense, and that will no doubt be a factor. The Chiefs will look to limit the number of posessions for Peyton Manning and Co., and hope it will put pressure on the star QB to rush things, causing more mistakes. Overlooked a bit here is the KC defense, which is far better than the unit from the last playoff matchup between these teams in early 2004. They don't have to be the '85 Bears here, just do enough to get some pass pressure, and hold their own in what they hope will be a very short amount of time spent on the field. The pick here is KC, in a close one, to extend the ongoing post-season frustration for Indy.

Seattle 37 Dallas 31
Home team choice here, and that is the only reason I picked the Seahawks. Banged up on defense, with an offense that has been woefully inconsistent all season, the Hawks have nevertheless broken the jinx of Super Bowl losers missing the playoffs the following year. The Cowboys have looked awful since the Saints spanked them a few weeks back, and it appears everyone is using Sean Payton's game plan to stomp them. Seattle has enough weapons to do the same, and can prevail at home in a high scoring affair. Hope they enjoy it, because the run will be a short one.

SUNDAY
New England 23 N.Y. Jets 14
Ah, the student against the Master, Round Three. Everyone knows how tough the Pats are at home in the playoffs, and despite the Jet victory here in November, I can't buck that trend. Jets have had problems running the ball on offense, and stopping the run on defense, which could spell disaster here. The weather will not be typical January New England fare, with the temps in the 50's. Tom Brady seems to finally be comfortable with his ragtag receiving corps, and the double barreled ground attack of Maroney and Dillon will wear down the Jet front seven. As was the case last year, I just can;t pick against the Pats at home, at least not this year.

Philadelphia 27 N.Y. Giants 24
G-Men have had two distinctly separate seasons, going 6-2 through the first eight games, than crashing to a 2-6 finish, but despite all the turmoil, they're here as the six seed. The Eagles are the unlikely division champs, owing that to both a late season resurgence by Jeff Garcia coupled with the crashing to Earth of the Cowboys. No result will surprise me in this one, given the unpredictability of the two teams. That said, I do expect a relatively high scoring affair, and let's give the edge to Philly due to the hot team factor, as well as the home field advantage.

Last Week: 11-5
Regular Season Total: 151-105 (58.9%)

NFL Picks - Week 17

2006-12-30T21:29:00.000-05:00

No time for thoughts this week, just the picks.

SATURDAY
WASHINGTON 23 N.Y. Giants 17

SUNDAY
St. Louis 21 MINNESOTA 16
Carolina 24 NEW ORLEANS 14
HOUSTON 27 Cleveland 20
DALLAS 30 Detroit 14
KANSAS CITY 24 Jacksonville 17
New England 23 Tennessee 13
N.Y. Jets 21 OAKLAND 6
CINCINNATI 28 Pittsburgh 20
Seattle 17 TAMPA BAY 10
INDIANAPOLIS 21 Miami 20
PHILADELPHIA 27 Atlanta 15
BALTIMORE 22 Buffalo 14
SAN DIEGO 34 Arizona 20
DENVER 24 San Francisco 10
CHICAGO 27 Green Bay 16

NFL Picks - Week 16

2006-12-22T09:08:00.000-05:00

NFL Picks – Week 16
Man, I’m getting worse and worse each week, and my once stellar record is going down the tubes. An ugly 6-10 mark last week has me doubting my ability to pick any game correctly, and the low level of confidence in the picks for Week 16 could sink me even further. That said, here you go:

Picks

THURSDAY
GREEN BAY 17 Minnesota 10
I had this one picked by default, and lucked out as the Pack pulled it out with a late FG.

SATURDAY
Kansas City 20 OAKLAND 10
Same old story for the Raiders: solid defense, zero offense. Reeling Chiefs will keep fading playoff hopes alive in what could be a stinker of a game.

SUNDAY
Washington 21 ST. LOUIS 13
Skins looked tough on the road in beating Saints last week, should have no problem maintaining that level in another domw, against a weaker team.

Chicago 27 DETROIT 13
Bears let down late last week and allowed Bucs to force overtime before getting a Robbie Gould FG to escape. No way Lovie Smith allows that to happen again, so I look for renewed intesity by the Monsters of the Midway, and another W.

New Orleans 24 NY GIANTS 17
Saints suffered wake up call with hangonver loss at home, and look to bounce back, while Giants are a team on the brink. Hopes for January games are fading fast in Jersey, and this could be the final nail in the coffin.

Baltimore 17 PITTSBURGH 14
Steelers showing signs of life, too late of course, but Cowher would love to see his team finish on an upswing. Beating Ravens would be a sweet way to go out, but I can't see Baltimore losing steam now.

JACKSONVILLE 20 New England 16
I have no idea why, but it just seems like this is an "up" week for the up and down Jags. Pats have proven they can be had this season when faced with a tough spot, and despite the Pro Bowl snub for Tom Brady, I think Jacksonville has more to play for and will prevail.

Indianpolis 24 HOUSTON 10
Man, did Manning look good this past Monday in dismantling the Bengals or what? Texans can play tough at atimes, especially at home, but the Colts have had their lull and should be able to pick up some steam heading inot January.

ATLANTA 27 Carolina 10
Panthers look to have packed it in for the year, and crazy Falcons can move closer to playoffs with big home win. Chris Weinke will still be searching for his second win as a starter after this one.

BUFFALO 23 Tennessee 21
Surprisingly, this could be the best game of the week. Two red hot teams taht actually have playoff aspirations, whcih was unheard of just a few weeks ago. Love the Bills at home, as maybe some frigid temps could be the only thing that slows down Vince and Pacman.

CLEVELAND 30 Tampa Bay 17
Bucs staged nice comeback against soft Bear coverage last week, and almost pulled off miracle win. With a week to prepare for Tim Rattay, Romeo Crennel will have the Brownie defense ready to go, and the Dawgs will take a game that few will watch, and even less will care about.

SAN FRANCISCO 37 Arizona 28
Niners are still in the hunt, and by winning here can put more pressure on gaggin Seahawks. Cards are a bit more feisty of late, but have no answer for Frank Gore. Could be a wild one.

SEATTLE 23 San Diego 20
Mild upset here. If Seattle can't get motivated to win a game in which they have a ton more at stake than the Chargers, they should pack it up and stay home. Hawks have been way too inconsistent, but the tihkning here is SanDiego is due for some kind of letdown, and with the division clinched, it's not unlikely they could drop a non-conference matchup like this one.

Cincinnati 19 DENVER 17
Benagls need this one too badly, and will find a way to score just enough in snowy Denver. Jay Cutler has shown some very positive signs recently, but I don't think the Broncos can overcome a team as talented as Cincy.

CHRISTMAS DAY
DALLAS 27 Philadelphia 21
Boys have too much to lose, and should have enough firepower to outlast resurgent Eagles. NFL is fortunate to have a meaningful game scheduled for the holiday spotlight, and this one shuold not disappoint.

N.Y. Jets 20 Miami 13
Jets can soldify playoff spot with big divisional road win, and are playing well enough to get the job done. Despite playing a bad schedule, Eric Mangini has his team prepared every week, and if there were no New Orleans Saints his Jets would be one of the league's biggest surprise stories of 2006.

Last week: 6-10
Season total: 133-91 (59.4%)

Again with this "War on Christmas"?

2006-12-22T09:01:00.000-05:00

Please, can we finally put this ridiculous notion to bed? Honestly, just because some cashier at Wal-Mart doesn’t wish me a “Merry Christmas”, does that mean society is falling apart and becoming virulently anti-Christian ? Somehow I doubt it. The topic was covered here last year, and I really don’t know what else to add. I suppose self-proclaimed “Culture Warrior” Bill O’Reilly needed somewhere to vent his frustrations after just about every one of his other arguments fell by the wayside.

Enough already, here’s hoping you enjoy whatever you celebrate this season. Oh, and stop the senseless persecution of the Christian minority!

Roid Rage, if by "rage" you mean "whatever"

2006-12-22T08:58:00.000-05:00

Let me see if I understand exactly how this works…..Major League Baseball , and those who cover it, were up in arms over allegations about steroid use. After a few names were revealed as having failed tests for banned substances, the proverbial poop hit the fan, and the topic dominated the airwaves, web, etc. Rafael Palmeiro, the biggest confirmed user so far, has not played an inning since the news came out, and his career is likely over, his accomplishments and possible his Hall of Fame candidacy clouded in doubt. The debate rages on now that alleged roider Mark McGwire is on the latest Hall of Fame ballot. We won’t even go into the coverage and controversy surrounding eventual Home Run King Barry Bonds. Congress, congress, called the big boys in for a public hearing last spring, and warned the sport to clean up its act or else. Commissioner Bud Selig implemented new levels of punishment for anyone caught, as public opinion swelled in favor enough that the mighty players union had no choice but to cave. It’s not a perfect system by any means, but suffice it to say the sport is running scared and attempting to keep itself clean.

Compare this to the National Football League, which seems to somehow operate inside its own bubble. A star player, Sand Diego’s Shawne Merriman, tested positive earlier this year for a banned substance, which turned out to be a steroid. The NFL responded in kind, suspending the star four games, which amounts to one quarter of a season (comparable to a 50 gamer from MLB). A stiff penalty, no doubt, but what struck me was the muted, “so what?” reaction from the press. Here was a star player on one of the leagues better teams, nailed for steroids! It would compare to say, Roy Oswalt getting nabbed in baseball. The reaction there would have been a huge outcry, with writers clamoring that his stats be flagged with an asterisk, etc. Why the double standard? Should we just assume that football players are juicing unless we know otherwise, or is that already the public perception? The impact on the Chargers was immediately obvious, as they underwent some rough weeks on the defensive side of the ball, seemingly falling way behind each game and hoping the electric offense could bail them out, which it did on several occasions. Since Merriman’s return a few weeks back, the defense has stepped up and once again become a dominant force, and San Diego has emerged as one of the favorites to reach the Super Bowl.

Look, I know that in almost every case, the cheaters are always one or two steps ahead of the testers, and the odds are pretty good that a good portion of players in both sports are not completely above board. At the very least, players who are caught should be penalized for their stupidity alone. It just is mind boggling to me how the public perceives the same infractions in each sport.

NFL Picks - Week 15

2006-12-16T19:29:00.000-05:00

Back-to-back 8-8 weeks have me spinning my wheels here, and it's time to make the move toward the top. s has been stated previously on more than one occasion, several teams have proven next to impossible to pick. based on the from-the-gut picking methos, which I am sticking with, I submit the picks for the week, with a heavy emphasis on home teams for some reason. Note a subtle format change, as the predicted score will now be the heading for the choice as the old way seemed a bit redundant. This week also marks the return of Saturday games, though now they are shown only on the rarely seen NFL Network. Seriously, at what point do we just go to a seven day NFL schedule? Does anyone else think that diluting the product somehow makes it better?

THURSDAY
I picked Seattle, and lost, before I had the chance to post the picks. Here's what I thought when making that rotten choice:

SEATTLE 24 San Francisco 10
Hawks tough at home, and by winning here take one step closer to locking up NFC West. While they've been up and down this season, typical of a post Super Bowl letdown, this is where they can out it into gear and make a late season run in the wide open NFC.

SATURDAY
ATLANTA 27 Dallas 24
I haver no idea why I would take the Falcons here, as they are one of the prime examples of teams which offer no consistency, thus are impossible to rely on when picking. Cowboys coming off embarrassing loss at home to Saints last week, and perhaps were exposed there. Tony Romo has come back to Earth of late, and Atlanta might have enough to pull this one out late, but it also would not surprise me if Dallas ended up winning by 20.

SUNDAY
MINNESOTA 21 N.Y. Jets 17
Vikings a bit tougher in the dome, and Jets might have blown their season by losing to Bills last week. Something tells me the Minny D will put together a big effort and force Chad Pennington into mistakes, resulting in a W.

TENNESSEE 27 Jacksonville 22
All aboard! Despite SI cover jinx, the Vince Young love train is leaving the station with room for more folks to hop on. Jags don't travel well, and have had trouble putting together decent back-to-back games. Blowing out Colts last week has to lead to a bit of a letdown, and the young exciting Titans will seize upon that and rock to a thrilling win.

GREEN BAY 30 Detroit 17
Pack showing some signs of life, at least when facing mediocre teams. Liions are perfect cannon fodder here, and Favre and Co. have shown the ability to put up some points against teams like this. Outside of the Favre TD pass watch, there really isn;t any other reason to pay attention to this one.

CHICAGO 30 Tampa Bay 3
Let's see, an offense which can;t move the ball going up against the toughest defense in the league. Sounds like an ugly, ugly day for the Bucs. Bears would love to boost Rex Grossman's confidence, and there was never a more perfect chance to do so. You can make book on the fact that the Bear D will outscore the Bucs, easily. Also, if John Gruden instructs his punter or kicker to kick the ball anywhere near Devin Hester, he is an idiot.

NEW ORLEANS 21 Washington 16
Classic opportunity for a big letdown for the Saints after last week, but they seem to be rolling here, and Sean Payton will not let things get away with the division title in sight. Redskins have been tough, but seem to play just well enough to come up short each week, which speaks to either a talent gap, or coaching, or both. Drew Brees can enhance his MVP candidacy with another mistake free game, while the McAlister/Bush combination will give Joe Gibbs fits.

CAROLINA 23 Pittsburgh 10
The Disappointment Bowl. Two teams who should have been much better that this, but have stumbled. Hard to choose Chris Weinke, but the Steelers have been so bad on the road, and Panthers have a tiny bit more to play for, so the pick here is Carolina.

BALTIMORE 27 Cleveland 10
Ravens back on track in KC last week, and should coast at home against rookie QB. As is the case with the Bears, I would not be shocked to see the Raven D outscore the Browns offense here. With home field advantage in their sights, Baltimore will not slip up here. Anyone else looking forward to a potential Ravens/Chargers playoff matchup?

NEW ENGLAND 19 Houston 10
Maybe, just maybe, the Pats just aren't that good this year. They seem to be getting by in a mediocre division, but it looks as if they're headed for an early playoff exit. Surprisingly tough Texans can keep this close, and there is a sentence I never thought I'd type.

BUFFALO 22 Miami 16
Bills have been a tough out all season, and despite the lack of severe typical December weather in the forecast, can get past the Fins. Miami did an amazing job bottling up Tom Brady last week in shutting out the Pats, but Rich Stadium has been a traditional House of Horrors for the franchise, and the gloom and doom continues here.

ARIZONA 27 Denver 24
Wow, what the hell am I thinking with this one? Here's what: Cards have been playing much better lately, as Matt Leinart has made some nice adjustments to his game after the league seemed to catch up to him. That, coupled with the Jay Cutler experiment going on in Denver, leaves just enough wiggle room for the home team to pull off the upset. I'm still having trouble understanding why Mike Shanahan would cash in the season by starting Cutler when his team was 7-4 and headed for the playoffs. Then again, I;m just a stupid internet blogger, while he is a genius.

N.Y. GIANTS 27 Philadelphia 21
Wow, this game actually has large playoff implications, which didn;t seem possible as revently as two weeks ago. Eagles have surged with Jeff Garcia at the helm, but the defense is nowhere near the fearsome unit it once was. G-Men have returned to a more conservative approach on offense, trying to minimize mistakes by Eli Manning, and it's worked. Giants, with Tiki Barber carrying the load in a windy Meadowlands, prevail.

Kansas City 31 SAN DIEGO 24
One of only two road teams I'm picking this week is my beloved Chiefs. The rationale is simple, KC desperatley needs the game to keep any playoff hopes alive, while San Diego clinched the division last week. LDT already has the touchdown record, which should lead to him sitting out large parts of the second half no matter the score. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, the Chiefs lost their owner, Lamar Hunt, this week, and should be inspired to go all out and leave everything on the field. Chargers would love to have this one to maintain the edge for home field advantage, but the factors above point to Kansas City pulling one out on national TV. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I'm holding out hope that KC can run the table and win the Super Bowl as a tribute to Mr. Hunt. Wouldn't that be awesome?

MONDAY
Cincinnati 31 INDIANAPOLIS 24
...and here is my other road selection. Colts were absolutely horrid in losing at Jacksonville last week, as the run defense finally imploded. Make no mistake, it's been bad all year, but that was cover-your-eyes awful. Cincy is one team that can exploit that with Rudi Johnson capable of carrying the rock 30 times and pounding away at that porous front. Should that not be enough, the passing game is one of the league's best, and I honestly don;t see how INdy can keep them under 30 pts. Bengals have been much improved on defense of late, but even with a sub-par week they can still get out of here with a win.

Last week: 8-8
Season total: 127-81 (61.1%)

P.T. Barnum Continues to Be Right

2006-12-08T10:16:00.000-05:00

I had almost forgotten it still existed until hearing a radio add the other day, but there is actually an International Star Registry. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Morons, click away!

It’s on one hand hard to imagine, yet on another easy to understand the combined levels of arrogance and stupidity associated with this group. To think for one minute that not only can a company come along and claim to “own” a celestial entity which has been around for thousands of years, is just plain dumb. Dumber still are the idiots who shell out good money to receive a nice certificate stating that such and such has been registered to them. “Oooh, what an amazing, eternal gesture, having a star registered in my name!” C’mre kid, wanna buy a bridge?

Do me a favor, save your money and buy me….well, anything else. Alcohol comes immediately to mind for some reason.

Better yet, if you’re one of those who feel that this is a good thing, have I got a deal for you. Send your $40 to me (I will beat my competitor’s prices, guaranteed!), and I will send you a nice, crisp, fresh, official electronic message signifying that the star of your choice has been renamed in your honor!

This week I’m running a special on pre-owned constellations. For the budget minded consumer, there are some soon to burn out models available for only $19.95! Currently, a twinkly little number I like to call “Bucky2544” (pictured above – isn’t it just precious?) is our Star of the Week, and can be yours for the low, low price of $14.95!

Act now, before it’s gone forever, literally!

NFL Picks - Week 14

2006-12-07T16:39:00.000-05:00

I knew I was in trouble last week, and a couple of ugly games resulted in an 8-8 week. After correctly picking the Steeler romp on Thursday (running my Thursday record to 5-0), I submit the Sunday selctions below....

THURSDAY
PITTSBURGH over Cleveland
Steelers still awful, and beating up Bucs is not that great a feat. But, c'mon, Derek Anderson? I'm still reeling after seeing this nobody rally the Browns over my beloved Chiefs last week, and something tells me the Steelers will blitz the crap out of this guy and leave a quivering mass of jelly on the grass by about 11:30 tonight.
Pittsburgh 24 Cleveland 9

SUNDAY
KANSAS CITY over Baltimore
Chiefs back home against tough Raven D, but since I'm a believer in Herm, I think they'll find a way to grind out a tough win. After the collapse in Cleveland last week, I just can;t see KC returning to Arrowhead and dropping this one.
Kansas City 19 Baltimore 13

Tennessee over HOUSTON
That's it, I'm finally jumping on the Vince Young bandwagon. This Titan team should be a ton of fun in 2007.
Tennessee 21 Houston 17

CAROLINA over N.Y. Giants
Panthers are another tough team to pick, and losing Jake Delhomme would seem like a recipe for disaster, but I'm banking on Coach Fox to rally around Chris Weinke and put the Giamts away for '06.
Carolina 23 NY Giants 20

CINCINNATI over Oakland
Bengals defense is red hot, and non-existent Oakland O should pose no threat at all. Cincy cruises at home despite having yet another player arrested this week.
Cincinnati 30 Oakland 13

WASHINGTON over Philadelphia
Reverse logic pick, since the whole world is suddenly in love with Jeff Garcia. I look at this and see an Eagle defense which allows a ton of yardage, suffering a letdown after a big win and a short week.
Washington 24 Philadelphia 20

Atlanta over TAMPA BAY
The only reason I would take Atlanta is that the Bucs have become perhaps the worst team in the NFL. Honestly, Jon Gruden, has it come to this? Kicking a field goal on the last play of the game, from within the 5 yd line, just to avoid the shutout? That is pathetic.
Atlanta 27 Tampa Bay 6

Indianapolis over JACKSONVILLE
Can't see Colts losing two in a row, despite facing Jags in Jax. Could be tight, but Manning and Co. will find a way.
Indianapolis 20 Jacksonville 16

DETROIT over Minnesota
Lions showed a little spunk in nearly knocking off Pats in Foxboro last week, while Vikes continue the downward slide.
Detroit 24 Minnesota 14

New England over MIAMI
Pats just do not look like one of the elite teams any more, but should still find a way to rattle and smack around Joey Harringotn. Dolphins without Ronnie Brown, which negates ground attack.
New England 28 Miami 10

SAN FRANCISCO over Green Bay
Always like the Niners better at home, while the Pack have played about one good quarter in the last two weeks. If Alex Smith can keep down the turnovers, San Fran could romp.
San Francisco 31 Green Bay 17

Seattle over ARIZONA
Hawks had no business winning in Mile High last week, and nearly blew it, so let's assume that was a wake up call which will prevent the Cardinals from pulling off an upset here.
Seattle 27 Arizona 14

N.Y. JETS over Buffalo
Perfect chance for a letdown here, as the expectations are going up, but it seems that Coach Mangini will not allow that to happen. Jets won't romp, but should be able to pick up a solid win against the resilient Bills.
N.Y. Jets 20 Buffalo 17

SAN DIEGO over Denver
Mr. Cutler, meet Mr. Merriman. Bolts are cruising to division title, while Broncos appear to have mailed in the season. Absolutely no way in hell Denver wins here. Book it.
San Diego 24 Denver 10

New Orleans over DALLAS
..and here is where the suddenly lofty expectations take a hit. Everyone loves the Cowboys now, and are openly speculating who they will meet in the NFC title game. Not so fast - Drew Brees and Reggie Bush can generate offense in a hurry, and despite defense lapses, could win a shootout in Big D.
New Orleans 34 Dallas 31

MONDAY
Chicago over ST. LOUIS
Here's my gameplan for Lovie Smith this week: on offense, kneel three times, then punt. Your defense should score more than enough points to take you to 11-2. Rams are in disarray, and offensive line will take a beating against this defense. Only a few untimely Rex Grossman mistakes will keep this one close.
Chicago 17 St. Louis 6

Last week: 8-8
Season total: 119-73 (61.9%)

NFL Picks - Week 13

2006-11-30T20:33:00.000-05:00

Now that's more like it! The mojo was working big time last week, to the tune of 13-3. If only I felt that confident for Week 13. Not sure why, but I have very little faith in the picks this week. That said, starting with correctly picking the Thursday night game, I'm off to a good start. Skip down to the Sunday section to see the remaining selections....

THURSDAY
CINCINNATI over Baltimore
While I'm rooting for the Ravens, something tells me the Bengals will find a way to get done at home on (semi) national TV. After smacking down the hated Steelers last week, Baltimore could suffer a slight letdown - enough for Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson and Co. to get out with the W.
Cincinnati 24 Baltimore 16

SUNDAY
Indianapolis over TENNESSEE
Love the never say die attitude Jeff Fisher has instilled in his young Titans, and I truly believe the kids can and will hang tough against the mighty Colts. If we were using spreads, I'd be tempted to grab Tennessee, but since we're not, I'll stick with Manning and Co.
Indianapolis 27 Tennessee 16

ST. LOUIS over Arizona
Rams pulled one out last week, which might finally have them back on track. Staying at home to face the woeful Redbirds can go a long way toward maintaining the good feelings in St. Loo.
St. Louis 30 Arizona 20

CHICAGO over Minnesota
Bears, back home after 3 week road stint, and coming off a loss, are as close to a lock as you will see in the NFL this season. Vikes are so up and down anyway, and walking into this situation won't help them fix all that has gone wrong thus far.
Chicago 35 Minnesota 10

N.Y. Jets over GREEN BAY
Taking the Jets on the road at Lambeau? Yep. Unthinkable in recent years, these are not your Momma's Packers, and Coach Mangini has his team poised to potentially run the table and get a decent playoff seed. Funny thing is, they're not this good, but when you beat what the league gives you, you deserve the accolades.
N.Y. Jets 23 Green Bay 14

NEW ORLEANS over San Francisco
Saints move closer to improbable playoff berth by knocking off tough Niner squad. Drew Brees for MVP, anyone? Sean Payton should just be handed Coach of the Year now as well.
New Orleans 27 San Francisco 20

San Diego over BUFFALO
Much as I'd like to think the Bills can pull this one out, I just can;t bring myself to pick them. Bolts get Merriman back on defense to solidify what was one of the league';s top units in the first part of the year. That, plus LT, spells another win for San Diego.
San Diego 28 Buffalo 17

Kansas City over CLEVELAND
Given 10 days off to refresh Larry Johnson's legs, KC should be able to keep pace in the playoff race. Chiefs could use a laugher here after a few tight games in arow, and a date with the Ravens next week.
Kansas City 23 Cleveland 14

WASHINGTON over Atlanta
Eat it, Falcons. I will never pick you again until you show me something, anything. Skins playing for pride and '07 jobs, will prevail as we move closer to an implosion in Atlanta.
Washington 24 Atlanta 17

NEW ENGLAND over Detroit
Pats can use big win over Bears as a springboard to division title, and will not suffer a letdown at home against Detroit. Matt Millen should take notes while here on how to properly run a franchise.
New England 30 Detroit 7

MIAMI over Jacksonville
Red hot Fins look to gum up the playoff works against roller coaster Jags. Jacksonville is not the same on the road, as I've mentioned in this space, and Miami is doing its second half run, as also mentioned here. Add those together, and all signs point to Miami.
Miami 17 Jacksonville 10

OAKLAND over Houston
What a wacky team, these Raiders. Steadily more competitive, thanks solely to a defense which has played it's collective heart out, they can finally break out with a win against a Texan team which had to travel cross country after losing to Jets last week. Art Shell is still an awful coach, though.
Oakland 17 Houston 10

PITTSBURGH over Tampa Bay
The Underachiever Bowl pits two teams who had much higher expectations in September against one another. Since the Steeler loss was the uglier one a week ago, and they're back home, they get the slight edge.
Pittsburgh 24 Tampa Bay 13

N.Y. GIANTS over Dallas
I have absolutely no idea why I'm choosing the Giants. They appear to be coming apart at the seams, squabbling internally, as well as with the media, while their young quarterback seems to be regressing to the point where he looks like a scared rookie again. Cowboys come in red hot, with QB Tony Romo the toast of the league. Maybe the G-Men, who will get back Sam Madison and perhaps Umienyora, can pull it together for one week and tough one out in front of the hoe folks in what should be a cold, windy Giants Stadium.
N.Y. Giants 20 Dallas 17

Seattle over DENVER
The Jay Cutler era begins, at a strange time, this late in the season. Though the switch is entirely warranted, it is still a huge gamble by Mike Shanahan. He likely would not have had to do this if the running game was doing well, and I'm having trouble seeing how things will be much different with the kid taking the snaps. Hawks are no strangers to playing in the high altitude, and surely studied the films of Larry Johnson and Michael Bennett shredding the vaunted Bronco defense on Turkey Night.
Seattle 24 Denver 16

MONDAY
Carolina over PHILADELPHIA
Early NFC favorites Carolina struggling along at 6-5, but should not encounter a lot of resistance facing porous Philly defense. It just seems like the right time for the Panthers to make their annual run toward January, and this is a good place to kick it off.
Carolina 23 Philadelphia 15

Last week: 13-3
Overall: 111-65 (63.1%)

NFL Picks - Week 12

2006-11-22T12:44:00.000-05:00

Ah, early post this week due to the Turkey Day games. I'm particularly cheesed about the prime time matchup between Denver and Kansas City, which will only be seen by the approximately 27 people who have NFL Network. A good example of strong arm tactics here by the NFL, which figures it can force cable systems to put its channel on a basic level tier (a la ESPN) by stimulating fan outrage. Word is the league would eventually love to have all of the games on their channel, thus saving the literally billions of dollars currently spent on the contract with CBS, NBC and ESPN. Because, as you know, the league is barley scraping by and desperately needs an influx of extra capital.

On to the picks....

THURSDAY

Miami over DETROIT
What, picking against the Lions on Thanksgiving Day? Yep. Despite what you may have heard, Detroit is only two games over .500 in these games all time. That, plus the fact that Miami is playing very well, and the Lions are banged up, equals a Dolphin win.
Miami 24 Detroit 10

DALLAS over Tampa Bay
Bucs can't score, and Dallas has too much riding on this game to suffer a letdown after big win over Indy last week. Romo is the real deal, especially since he is allegedly dating Jessica Simpson.
Dallas 23 Tampa Bay 7

KANSAS CITY over Denver
Cheifs looking to atone for early season loss at Mile High (that's right, I refuse to call it by it's corporate name). Broncos defense was exposed last week by mighty Chargers, and while KC won't put up 35, but will score enough to grab the win and tighten things up in the AFC West.
Kansas City 23 Denver 16

SUNDAY
San Francisco over ST. LOUIS
Reeling Rams run into red hot Niners, led by the punishing ground attack of Frank Gore. St. Loo might just about be finished for '06, while San Fran can inject itself right into the thick of the playoff picture with win here.
San Francisco 24 St. Louis 17

MINNESOTA over Arizona
Reverse logic pick here. Vikes have invented new ways to lose each week, while Cards were finally able to get off the schnied last week and win. Minny defense, at home, should be able to shut down Zona, one would think.
Minnesota 27 Arizona 10

Carolina over WASHINGTON
Here come the Panthers. While Washington QB Jason Campbell looked decent in his debut last week, he will be tormented by Carolina's pass rush, and swarming defense. Delhomme to Smith continues to click, pacing the way to another win.
Carolina 23 Washington 7

Cincinnati over CLEVELAND
Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson have rediscovered each other quite nicely over the past few weeks, and depite Cincy's defensive lapses they will have enough to overpower Browines in the Dawg Pound.
Cincinnati 30 Cleveland 17

N.Y. JETS over Houston
Both teams very accustomed to playing close games, and that should play to form here. Texans have been a tough out all year, but the J-E-T-S should have enough to survive and move on.
N.Y. Jets 20 Houston 14

BUFFALO over Jacksonville
Upset special. Jags are not the same team on the road, and Bills have been in every game lately, win or lose. The loss of Donovan Darius will hurt Jacksonville, especially with the Losman to Evans connection heating up for the Bills.
Buffalo 22 Jacksonville 17

New Orleans over ATLANTA
Falcs continue to frustrate just about everyone, with the exception of those who bet against them each week. Drew Brees can light it up again this week, even without Marques Colston. Is the Jim Mora Jr. job watch underway yet?
New Orleans 27 Atlanta 16

BALTIMORE over Pittsburgh
Ravens are most definitely for real, folks. Steelers have been able to win two in a row despite some critical mistakes by Ben Roethlisberger, and some shaky defensive play. The difference here? Ravens make teams pay dearly for those mistakes, like good teams always do.
Baltimore 24 Pittsburgh 14

SAN DIEGO over Oakland
Unlike the recent trend, I don't see the Chargers falling way behind and needing a big second half comeback to emerge with a victory. Spotty defense might allow the Raiders to put up more points than usual, but LT and Co. look almost unstoppable right now.
San Diego 34 Oakland 16

N.Y. Giants over TENNESSEE
G-Men looking all kinds of awful of late, but something tells me they're due for a nice bounce back game this week. Titans have played like a young team on the way up, looking great one week, awful the next. This week, it's awful's turn.
N.Y. Giants 20 Tennessee 10

NEW ENGLAND over Chicago
Best game of the week, on paper anyway. Pats have beat up weaker temas this year, while losing to better ones. Bears playing third straight on the road, and that has to catch up with them at some point. The hunch here is that Brady and Bellichek come up with just enough to squeeze past Da Bears.
New England 20 Chicago 17

INDIANAPOLIS over Philadelphia
Sorry, NBC. Thought you had a primo matchup with the potentially unbeaten Colts verses McNabb and the Eagles, eh? Indy, coming back to the dome after a loss, facing the McNabb-less Eagles, sounds like a blowout to me.
Indianapolis 34 Philadelphia 17

MONDAY
SEATTLE over Green Bay
Man, ESPN is getting some clunkers this year. Similar to Colts, Hawks coming back home after ugly road loss, against inferior opponent, means this one will be over early, and those of us on the East coast can go to bed at a decent hour. Thanks guys!
Seattle 40 Green Bay 13

Last week: 10-6
Overall: 98-62 (61.3%)

43 Years Ago Today...

2006-11-22T10:46:00.000-05:00

..a Nation lost its innocence.

You would think that by now, with most of the major players dead, someone like Gerald Ford (Warren Commission member) would step up and say "Yeah, we know it wasn't just Oswald, but we were afraid to start World War III, so we stuck to the tidy cover story."

I'm not holding my breath.

Barbaro Cares Not What You Think

2006-11-22T08:57:00.000-05:00

Remember Barbaro, the immensely talented thoroughbred horse who was on the way to Triple Crown winning glory before injuring his leg last spring? Tough break for his owners, who watched tons of potential income dissolve, and for the horse himself, who was likely to be put down. Headlines were made when it was decided to try and perform delicate surgery to save the animal. In most other cases, the horse would have to be put down, but not Barbaro. You see, he is the Wonder Horse who has inspired us all. Don't believe me?

Check this out: Barbaro's Message Board

I always thought people were nuts, but this goes beyond any stupidity threshold I've ever imagined. I posted an item on this message board yesterday, but I doubt it will ever see the light of day. It was along the lines of this:

What the heck is wrong with you people? Barbaro is a freaking HORSE! Not only can he not read, but he also cannot comprehend what is read to him. If he didn't have the ability to run really fast, he'd be Alpo right now!

It takes a truly special breed of nutjob to sit down at the keyboard and compose a gushing love note to an animal that would probably kick them in the face if they got too close. An animal which is not even very high on the intelligence chain. An animal which probably eats and gets better medical care than half of the people in this country.

Get well soon, you big handsome horse!

NFL Picks - Week 11

2006-11-18T21:29:00.000-05:00

Man, this is one of the oddest NFL seasons I can remember, and I go back a long way. I guess this is what Pete Rozelle had in mind when he dreamed of parity - any team, in any given week, has the ability to look like absolute garbage, particularly after a week where it looked amazing. Picking the games has become a crap shoot of sorts, and since I don't give each game much though, that sounds like the best course to take. On the Week 11....

NEW ORLEANS over Cincinnati
Bengals were in command, at home, against SD last week and let it all slip away in the second half. Saints coming off tough road loss in Pittsburgh, and might be coming gradually back down to earth after hot start, but I'll take the home team in a close one here.
New Orleans 30 Cincinnati 24

HOUSTON over Buffalo
Texans have been a tough out of late, and Bills left it all on the field last week at Indy, narrowly missing the upset. Letdown here? You betcha.
Houston 17 Buffalo 10

New England over GREEN BAY
What's up with the Pats? Nothing a week on the road against a weak defense can't cure. Brady might be hurt, and he took some clean shots last week form the Jets, but it is impossible to fathom this team losing three in a row.
New England 27 Green Bay 16

KANSAS CITY over Oakland
Watch out, Chiefs. The Raider D continues to impress, and will look to welcome back Trent Green with a few love taps. Problem continues to be total lack of offense, and KC, in Arrowhead, will make life miserable for Aaron Brooks.
Kansas City 19 Oakland 10

BALTIMORE over Atlanta
The Falcons are the single most frustrating team in the league for both gamblers and fantasy leaguers. In all probability, they will get it together and spank the Ravens in Baltimore, just to confound everyone. I can't predict that, in good faith, so the pick here is with the hometown team.
Baltimore 23 Atlanta 12

Chicago over NY JETS
Bears erased doubts of legitimacy last week in smacking Giants. Jets coming off huge win in Foxboro, and should give Chicago all it can handle. Close game, but talent prevails.
Chicago 24 NY Jets 16

Pittsburgh over CLEVELAND
Crapshoot, but Steelers have to be good enough to beat the Brownies, right? Right?
Pittsburgh 24 Cleveland 17

CAROLINA over St. Louis
Panthers, despite sleepwalking through parts of last week's game against Tampa, look poised to start a second half run, while the 4-5 Rams seem to be going in the opposite direction.
Carolina 27 St. Louis 14

PHILADELPHIA over Tennessee
Eagles, at home, should cruise past undermanned Titans, but look for Vince Young to pull off at least one highlight reel worthy play in this one.
Philadelphia 31 Tennessee 14

TAMPA BAY over Washington
No Portis, and Jason Campbell putting down his clipboard to take the snaps spells doom for the Skins. Bucs will have to work very hard not to win here.
Tampa Bay 23 Washington 11

MIAMI over Minnesota
Dolphins suddenly hot (since the pressure is off), and Vikes are tanking. Which means Minny wins by 30, using the logic of 2006. Still can;t go that way, so I'm taking Miami.
Miami 23 Minnesota 16

Seattle over SAN FRANCISCO
Hawks might be getting back Alexander and Hasselbeck, which makes this a blowout. If only one of them returns, or if neither do, SeaHags still have enough to take care of business here.
Seattle 30 San Francisco 10

Detroit over ARIZONA
Can't pick the Cardinals at all until they show me something, and they have shown zero since blowing the Bear game. Banged up Lion D could help Zona keep it interesting, but Kitna and the Lions win a game whihc nobody will want to see.
Detroit 34 Arizona 27

DALLAS over Indianapolis
Upset special! Cowboys have the horses to pull this off, but must stick to the game plan. I would think the Colts would rather drop one at some point, since they do not like the pressure of gunning for 16-0 anyway. This one could be the game of the week, and I see it going right to the final gun.
Dallas 24 Indianapolis 21

DENVER over San Diego
....or this could be the game of the week. Great prime time matchup sees the explosive Charger offense against the top ranked Denver D. I'll go with the tough defense, at high altitude, to win, but it won't be easy.
Denver 24 San Diego 20

JACKSONVILLE over NY Giants
Jags tough at home, and Eli Manning has been in a funk of late. Swarming Jags defense will make it a long night for the younger Manning, while depleted Giants will try to hang tough.
Jacksonville 20 NY Giants 13

Last week: 7-9
Overall: 88-55 (61.5%)

Lost the Battle, Won the War?

2006-11-11T22:01:00.000-05:00

So the first ever political endorsement made by this blog takes a dive, as you might have heard. Incumbent Joe Lieberman won convincingly over challenger Ned Lamont in the Connecticut Senate race this past week, gaining a fourth (and perhaps final) term. In hindsight, Lamont’s campaign seemed to peak during the Democratic primary, and was unable to sustain the momentum gained with the victory. Ariana Huffington pointed out that Ned seemed to begin acting like a Senator after the nomination was secured, and moved away from the one big issue which he rode to the win: Iraq. That assessment seems accurate to What?

That said, perhaps there was a larger gain from the entire Lamont run. His underdog, one issue run seemed to shine the national spotlight on the war, and those who continued to support it. The mid-term elections acted as a referendum on the War, and also to a larger extent, the Bush presidency. The results showed that America can unite against corruption, abuse of power, cronyism and lack of accountability and demand more from our elected leaders. What? Thinks the Lamont campaign had a lot to do with that.

Now, the Democrats have to prove their mettle, and make sure the only reason American voters turned the power over goes beyond them simply not being the other guy. Dems have a real chance at being agents of change in this country, and it doesn’t necessarily start with going out of their way to smite the current administration. It would be beneficial in the long term to produce legislation which will clearly show how much the President is willing to “work with” the Dems, as he humbly said he would once the votes were in. Push the core issues you campaigned on, Democrats, and make it clear where Mr. Bush will not budge. This will set the stage for the Presidential election on 2008.

It would be of great benefit to think short term as well, however. New House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has laid out a plan for the first hundred hours after being sworn in which is very aggressive. Nowhere in the To Do list was the “I” word, Impeachment, mentioned. This can be broached without looking like partisian revenge for the Clinton debacle, and there are some important things that will be uncovered if investigations are launched. With subpoena power, the Dems will now be able to hold hearings and force accountability to those who have profited from the war, and abused power. These issues should be tabled, but not abandoned.

The balls in your court, Democrats, and you have a great deal of national support. Don’t blow it – there is too much riding on it.

NFL Picks - Week 10

2006-11-11T21:53:00.000-05:00

Finally, a decent week, 9-5! This has been a wild, unpredictable year so far, and if I were picking against spreads I would be sporting a very ugly record. As mentioned a few weeks back, there are so many teams that have been impossible to bank on, varying from great to garbage week-to-week. Hoping to get back on a roll, I humbly submit the selections for week ten:

MINNESOTA over Green Bay
Do or die time for the Vikes, who need to jump start the second half with a big home win against a team they should beat. Brett Favre has had a knack of late to throw games away late, and the Minny defense needs to take advantage.
Minnesota 27 Green Bay 13

Baltimore over TENNESSEE
Okay, I’ll admit it now: The Ravens are legit. There, I said it. They seem to be able to come up with big plays, particularly on the defensive side of the ball, when needed. It is hard to imagine a meltdown against the up and down Titans. On a side note, though, did you happen to catch the highlight from last week’s Ravens-Bengals game where Rudi Johnson ran into Ray Lewis at the goal line? We’ve been conditioned to see Lewis stand up and topple anyone who crossed his path, but Johnson churned his legs, and overpowered Lewis on his way to the end zone. The lesson? The emotional leader of the Ravens D is getting old, and they had better win now.
Baltimore 30 Tennessee 10

JACKSONVILLE over Houston
Texans have been a much tougher out over the past few weeks, but Jags are much tougher at home. Despite Byron Leftwich’s attempt to generate a QB controversy, the Jacksonville D will lead the way to a home win.
Jacksonville 20 Houston 7

Kansas City over MIAMI
Very wary of second half resurgence by Saban’s Dolphins, much like last year. What that says to me is Miami plays much better when the pressure is off. No way KC takes Fins lightly after last week’s upset of the Bears. Chiefs are rolling with Damon Huard at the helm, and coach Herm Edwards should be very familiar with prepping for Miami after spending years in the same division. Game should be tight, but KC playmakers will be the difference.
Kansas City 23 Miami 17

NEW ENGLAND over N.Y. Jets
Hey, I’ll be at this game! Pats, coming off loss to Indy, will be pumped. The stat has been floating around this week that they have not lost back-to-back games since 2002, and I see nothing that would point to that streak being snapped here. Jets played Pats tough a few weeks back in Meadowlands, but winning in Foxboro is too tall an order, so long as Tom Brady doesn’t toss up ill advised passes into double and triple coverage, like he did against Indy last week.
New England 24 N.Y. Jets 10

CINCINNATI over San Diego
Bengals are in must win mode now, at home, against a somewhat banged up Charger team. Put up or shut up time for Cincy, and the hunch here is they will find a way to get it done. No Shawne Merriman will allow Carson Palmer a few extra precious seconds to find his talented receiving corps. This could be the game of the week, and in retrospect I imagine NBC would have liked this to be the Sunday nighter.
Cincinnati 27 San Diego 22

DETROIT over San Francisco
Lions showed me plenty last week in dismantling the Falcons, and staying home against woeful road team should spell an easy win. Detroit has the look of a team that will give opponents fits in the second half, by the way. Niners show some life when playing in their soon-to-be-former home, but will not do much here.
Detroit 31 San Francisco 7

PHILADELPHIA over Washington
Will Philly stop the bleeding? Skins pulled off improbable win at home over hated Cowboys last week, but both of these squads have been very tough to predict of late. That said, I’ll stick with the home team, despite the one dimensional attack. Donovan McNabb is the wild card, and he will do just enough to be the difference in this one.
Philadelphia 28 Washington 21

INDIANAPOLIS over Buffalo
Colts looked great in beating Pats last week to move to 8-0. It is hard to see how a team that has been so bad stopping the run can have this much success, and eventually someone will take advantage of that. This will not be the week that happens (I’m thinking it will happen in January, again). I have to say it was somewhat eerie seeing Mr. Automatic, Adam Vinatieri, miss a gimme that would have iced the game last week. It says something that the Colts were able to overcome that, but maybe there is something in the water in Indiana.
Indianapolis 34 Buffalo 16

ATLANTA over Cleveland
Now, we’re looking at an impossible game to call. Will we see the Falcs of weeks 7 and 8, who ran a simple, effective offense and seemingly scored at will? Or, will we see the bungling bunch from last week which couldn’t seem to get out of their own way? Brownies have been competitive of late, but it says here Atlanta finds a way to come out on top in the dome.
Atlanta 30 Cleveland 20

Denver over OAKLAND
Denver has seemingly found their offense, posting back-to-back 31 point efforts, while Raiders seemingly have never had one. Oakland D has been decent, but spending all that time on the field wears them out, and there is no good reason to think the obviously superior team will not be able to exploit that and roll to victory.
Denver 24 Oakland 9

New Orleans over PITTSBURGH
Man, is it ugly in Steel Town or what? Hard to fathom the defending champs are 2-6, but they are what they are, having played just bad enough to lose in each loss. Saints need this one, and winning on the road is a tall order, but something tells me Pittsburgh is done, and the Saints can get out of here with the W.
New Orleans 20 Pittsburgh 17

SEATTLE over St. Louis
Reeling Rams will be hard pressed to get back on track here, despite the Who Dat lineup fielded by Seattle. Hawks defense will have to step it up and dominate again, like it did against the Radiers last week. No shutout this time, but with the help of the raucous crowd, the pick here is Seattle.
Seattle 19 St. Louis 7

Dallas over ARIZONA
Cowboys need to bounce back after horrific finish in DC last week, and playing in Arizona is almost like a home game for them. Cardinals appear finished, but could still put together a solid effort against a hated rival. I just don’t think they’ll have enough in the tank to finish the job, and see the ‘Pokes emerging victorious.
Dallas 23 Arizona 13

N.Y. GIANTS over Chicago
Were the Bears exposed last week in Miami? It certainly seemed like it. Chicago’s schedule has been loaded with cream puffs, but now the fun really begins, as they begin a stretch of games against solid teams, starting with the injury depleted G-Men. Brian Urlacher should play, which will help Chicago, but the Giants banged up defense should have enough to harass and unnerve Rex Grossman. Should be a low scoring affair, but the pick when two good teams clash goes to the home team.
N.Y. Giants 17 Chicago 10

CAROLINA over Tampa Bay
Panthers mired at .500 after two straight losses, and desperately need this one to keep pace. John Fox’s team has a knack for coming up with big wins when needed, and should be able to pull one out against a game Buccaneer bunch. It could be ugly, but the better team should prevail here.
Carolina 23 Tampa Bay 14

Last week: 9-5
Overall: 81-46 (63.8%)

Connecticut Senate Race - The Choice Is Clear

2006-11-06T08:39:00.000-05:00

For those of you who haven’t noticed, What? lives in the great state of Connecticut, hence the following commentary on the Senate race in that state.

The Connecticut Senate race this year has attracted national attention. Incumbent Joe Lieberman faced an unlikely challenge for his senate seat from an unknown businessman from Greenwich, Ned Lamont. Lamont’s entrance into the Democratic primary drew notice for his stance on one issue – the ongoing war in Iraq. By highlighting Lieberman’s support for the conflict, Ned forced others to look into the Senator’s support of this along with his support for several other of Bush’s policies.

As the Lamont campaign began to pick up momentum, the Lieberman camp seemed to take on an indignant attitude, almost questioning why someone would even challenge the three term Senator. As the war became more and more unpopular, Lieberman’s camp was forced to defend his stance, which was becoming harder and harder to understand.

A little history here on Senator Lieberman: He himself ran as a Washington outsider in 1988, defeating Lowell Weicker by telling voters how 18 years (Weicker’s length of service at that time) was too long, and it was time for a change. His message struck a chord with voters (who themselves might have grown tired of the incumbent), and he won the seat he holds to this day. The only potential interruption in his service took place during the 2000 presidential election, when Democratic candidate Al Gore chose Joe as his running mate. When faced with the decision of vacating his Senate seat to focus solely on the race for the White House, Lieberman declined, thereby insuring himself of a fallback in the event the Dems lost the election. You know how that turned out, obviously. He once again faced a crossroads as the Primary drew closer, finding himself trailing badly in the polls, and facing a likely shocking defeat. Unable to accept the will of the voters, Joe once again hedged his bets by filing the necessary paperwork to mount an independent campaign should he lose the Democratic race. Again, you know how that turned out. It was funny to listen to Lieberman the night he lost the primary, comparing it to halftime of a football game, and declaring his willingness to slug it out in the second half and win the game. The next day he formally entered the senate race (again), under something called the Connecticut for Lieberman party.

The obvious underlying message taken from the examples above is a simple one. Joe Lieberman is more concerned with taking care of himself then he is the people of this state. Despite being in office exactly as long as Mr. Weicker was when Joe told him it was time to step aside, Lieberman stubbornly continues to do whatever he can to maintain his seat of power. Despite being called out by the voters for siding with an unpopular president on the single most polarizing issue this country has seen since the Vietnam War, Lieberman insists he remain in office. Despite having been defeated by the voters from the very party he claimed to represent and serve faithfully, Lieberman continues to demand his seat at the table.

Lamont, in contrast, is a political neophyte, no doubt. What? looks at this as an opportunity to introduce new blood into Washington, which is sorely needed right now. What started as a one issue campaign has expanded to touch on domestic issues such as health care and social security. Lamont’s stance insists that the ridiculous amount of money spent each day in Iraq could, and should, be used to address real domestic issues. His staunch stance against special interest influence and lobbyists is another issue to which lip service is often paid this time of year, but ultimately little is done about, on either side of the aisle.

The latest polls show Lamont gaining, but still behind. A late push over the weekend, coupled with a big democratic turnout on Tuesday could help tighten things, and bring the Democratic nominee the victory.

Remember, it’s not the famous “kiss” planted on Lieberman’s cheek by George W. Bush after the State of the Union which has put his senate seat in jeopardy, nor is this an indictment of his sometime bi-partisian efforts. On the contrary, voting the issue as opposed to the standard party line can be an admirable thing to do, and is all too rare in this polarized political era. This race, however, boils down to one thing: the war, stupid. No issue is as important to the future of this country and the world at large. The lack of post war planning, the resulting desecration of the constitution by removing habeas corpus, the ultimate creation of an imperial presidency, all stem from this disaster. Mr. Lieberman is clearly on the wrong side here, and he, along with any candidate left who supports it, has to go.

If you live in another state, do your part this Tuesday, and help by removing any incumbent who is still in favor of the mess in the Gulf.

What? heartily endorses Ned Lamont for Senator.

NFL Picks - Week 9

2006-11-03T08:40:00.000-05:00

The slump continues, after a 6-8 week. Let's try to bring things back with this stellar batch of predictions (details to follow):

Kansas City over ST. LOUIS
23-20

CHICAGO over Miami
27-10

New Orleans over TAMPA BAY
21-20

Atlanta over DETROIT
34-30

BALTIMORE over Cincinnati
17-16

WASHINGTON over Dallas
24-19

BUFFALO over Green Bay
31-21

N.Y. GIANTS over Houston
24-7

Minnesota over SAN FRANCISCO
27-21

SAN DIEGO over Cleveland
30-16

PITTSBURGH over Denver
20-17

NEW ENGLAND over Indianapolis
23-17

SEATTLE over Oakland
24-12

Last Week: 6-8
Overall: 72-41 (63.7%)

This is a joke, right?

2006-10-31T10:07:00.000-05:00

Meat Loaf
Bat Out Of Hell III: The Monster Is Loose

I honestly thought this was from The Onion, or some such site. Is he serious? Yet another follow-up to the monumentally overrated, overplayed hit album from 30 years ago? Will we see Bat Out OF Hell IV: The Horse, She Is Flogged in 2021?

Up next, Steve Miller presents Further Tales From The Book Of Dreams, while Bob Seger rolls out Night Moves II: Finished Already?

Please stop.

NFL Picks - Week 8

2006-10-26T23:01:00.000-04:00

I've been wallowing in mediocrity since the Perfect Week, going .500. That's about to change.

There now exists a class of teams in this league which defy reason. Teams which look awesome one week, then crap the bed the next, or vice versa. Teams like Houston, Jacksonville, Atlanta, and my beloved Kansas City. Predicting how these teams will fare each week is an exercise in futility, and know that each time I do so I'm basically flipping a coin. Such is life in the modern NFL.

On to the choices for Week 8, the first week where thoughts aren't distracted by baseball.

KANSAS CITY over Seattle
Huard might not play, but have you seen the starting backfiled for the defending NFC Champs? QB Seneca Wallace, welcome to Arrowhead. Think about it, when the schedule came out, you're looking at this one and thinking.."Hmm, Trent Green/Larry Johnson matching up with Matt Hasselbeck/Shaun Alexander, should be a great matchup". Well, since only LJ is still on the field from that foursome, I'm taking the Chiefs.
Kansas City 22 Seattle 13

CHICAGO over San Francisco
Whatever the spread is here, it isn't high enough. Bears, fresh off bye week, are simply too much for upstart Niners. The Bear offense should even find the end zone once or twice.
Chicago 31 San Francisco 6

NEW ORLEANS over Baltimore
Sticking with what has worked, picking the Saints at home until someone knocks them off. I seriously doubt it will be the Ravens, who, surprise, have offensive problems. Wasn't Brian Billick an "offensive genius" when Modell hired him? Has any one unit on one team been consistently bad for so long?
New Orleans 21 Baltimore 10

Houston over TENNESSEE
Two teams I can't understand, and have stopped trying to. Magic 8 Ball says.......Texans. Whatever.
Houston 27 Tennessee 20

GREEN BAY over Arizona
Eww, another craptacular. Cardinals seem to have gone in the tank following collapse in the Bear game. Packers are a little more fiesty at home, and can grab one here to give more false hope to their fan base.
Green Bay 26 Arizona 17

N.Y. GIANTS over Tampa Bay
G-Men are playing best ball of the season right now, and should be able to contain suddenly frisky Bucs. Swirling winds in Giants Stadium will make sure there are no late 62 yard miracle kicks as well. Mr. Gradkowsi, meet Mr. Strahan.
N.Y. Giants 20 Tampa Bay 6

CINCINNATI over Atlanta
Bengals grabbed huge win at home last week versus Carolina, and I'm picking them here despite the injury woes. Falcons won't be tossing the ball all over the joint this week, but even their stout rushing attack won't be enough here. Hunch says Cincy...
Cincinnati 24 Atlanta 20

PHILADELPHIA over Jacksonville
Eagles glad to be home, and are catching struggling Jags at just the right time. Some think Jacksonville is better off with David Garrard at QB, and that may be true, but Philly is coming off two tough road losses, and will be well served with some home cookin'.
Philadelphia 27 Jacksonville 13

SAN DIEGO over St. Louis
Bolts bounce back after last week's late comeback failed in KC. Rams record is nice, but they haven't faced a team this tough on the road, and the defense will be tested. So long as the Chargers don't commit early, costly turnovers, they should coast.
San Diego 33 St. Louis 17

Pittsburgh over OAKLAND
Steelers, even with Batch at QB, have more than enough weapons to smoke the Raiders, who are playing better of late. Can't see Cowher's team suffering a letdown, coming off last week's defensive disaster in Atlanta.
Pittsburgh 23 Oakland 9

DENVER over Indianapolis
Game of the Week? On paper, certainly. Broncos defense has been lights out all year, and faces it's biggest test with Peyton and Co in town. The key to this game will be what the Denver offense can do, however. If they can grind it out, kill the clock and keep Manning off the field, that will be a recipe for success. I see Shanahan keeping the game plan simple to avoid letting Jake Plummer make foolish mistakes, as is his custom.
Denver 16 Indianapolis 14

N.Y. Jets over CLEVELAND
Jets, keeping up the pace in the AFC based on their soft schedule, should have enough to get by the Brownies in the Dawg Pound. Unlike previous opponents, Cleveland doesn't have the firepower to come back from the defecit the Jets will impose.
N.Y. Jets 23 Cleveland 10

CAROLINA over Dallas
After watching the effort last Monday against the Giants, it's really hard to see why there were folks in Dallas clamoring for Romo to be the starting QB. He looked jittery and indecisive, throwing some very ugly picks. Panthers, back home, will keep the Big D downward slide going. Parcells watch, anyone?
Carolina 24 Dallas 10

New England over MINNESOTA
Ordinarily teams would get trapped here, but Bellichek will not allow that. Pats seem to be hitting their stride now, and though it might not be pretty, will do enough things right to escape the Dome with a W. I'm thinking a close game here, with a late Brady TD to make it...
New England 24 Minnesota 13

Last Week: 6-7
Overall: 66-34 (66%)

Something To Think About On November 7th

2006-10-23T15:05:00.000-04:00

I’ve had a column in my head for the past few months regarding the situation in Iraq, but have never been able to fully articulate exactly how I felt. Then I came across this letter posted on truthdig.com, written by Kevin Tillman. You might be familiar with Kevin’s brother Pat, the NFL player who retired to join the Army Rangers in 2002, then was killed in 2004. His death was at first attributed to the enemy, but was later revealed to be the result of friendly fire. Kevin was discharged in 2005.

There is really nothing I can add to Kevin's words to increase the impact, so I present them herewith.

After Pat’s Birthday

It is Pat’s birthday on November 6, and elections are the day after. It gets me thinking about a conversation I had with Pat before we joined the military. He spoke about the risks with signing the papers. How once we committed, we were at the mercy of the American leadership and the American people. How we could be thrown in a direction not of our volition. How fighting as a soldier would leave us without a voice… until we get out.
Much has happened since we handed over our voice:
Somehow we were sent to invade a nation because it was a direct threat to the American people, or to the world, or harbored terrorists, or was involved in the September 11 attacks, or received weapons-grade uranium from Niger, or had mobile weapons labs, or WMD, or had a need to be liberated, or we needed to establish a democracy, or stop an insurgency, or stop a civil war we created that can’t be called a civil war even though it is. Something like that.

Somehow our elected leaders were subverting international law and humanity by setting up secret prisons around the world, secretly kidnapping people, secretly holding them indefinitely, secretly not charging them with anything, secretly torturing them. Somehow that overt policy of torture became the fault of a few “bad apples” in the military.

Somehow back at home, support for the soldiers meant having a five-year-old kindergartener scribble a picture with crayons and send it overseas, or slapping stickers on cars, or lobbying Congress for an extra pad in a helmet. It’s interesting that a soldier on his third or fourth tour should care about a drawing from a five-year-old; or a faded sticker on a car as his friends die around him; or an extra pad in a helmet, as if it will protect him when an IED throws his vehicle 50 feet into the air as his body comes apart and his skin melts to the seat.
Somehow the more soldiers that die, the more legitimate the illegal invasion becomes.
Somehow American leadership, whose only credit is lying to its people and illegally invading a nation, has been allowed to steal the courage, virtue and honor of its soldiers on the ground.
Somehow those afraid to fight an illegal invasion decades ago are allowed to send soldiers to die for an illegal invasion they started.
Somehow faking character, virtue and strength is tolerated.
Somehow profiting from tragedy and horror is tolerated.
Somehow the death of tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people is tolerated.
Somehow subversion of the Bill of Rights and The Constitution is tolerated.
Somehow suspension of Habeas Corpus is supposed to keep this country safe.
Somehow torture is tolerated.
Somehow lying is tolerated.
Somehow reason is being discarded for faith, dogma, and nonsense.
Somehow American leadership managed to create a more dangerous world.
Somehow a narrative is more important than reality.
Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.
Somehow the most reasonable, trusted and respected country in the world has become one of the most irrational, belligerent, feared, and distrusted countries in the world.
Somehow being politically informed, diligent, and skeptical has been replaced by apathy through active ignorance.
Somehow the same incompetent, narcissistic, virtueless, vacuous, malicious criminals are still in charge of this country.
Somehow this is tolerated.
Somehow nobody is accountable for this.
In a democracy, the policy of the leaders is the policy of the people. So don’t be shocked when our grandkids bury much of this generation as traitors to the nation, to the world and to humanity. Most likely, they will come to know that “somehow” was nurtured by fear, insecurity and indifference, leaving the country vulnerable to unchecked, unchallenged parasites.
Luckily this country is still a democracy. People still have a voice. People still can take action. It can start after Pat’s birthday.

Brother and Friend of Pat Tillman,
Kevin Tillman

Kenny Rogers Cheats - LaRussa Does Nothing?

2006-10-23T13:32:00.000-04:00

Let me see if I understand this: Kenny Rogers, who is suddenly the Greatest Pitcher Who Ever Lived, is stupid enough to smear pine tar on his pitching hand during the post-season. The Post-Season, when Tommy LaSorda implores all of us to watch even though our teams have been knocked out, when FOX has 75 cameras, in such places as under the pitchers balls, up the batters nose, and uses shots so tight you can quickly determine if that mole on the players face is pre-cancerous.

The cameras catch it, the announcers talk about it, and, as expected, word reaches the clubhouses. Tony LaRussa even hears his own players coming back to the dugout muttering that the ball was "moving funny". Surely he, The Genius, will react accordingly, have the umpires check out Rogers and eject him, which would result in a huge edge for the Cardinals, right? Getting Kenny tossed in the 2nd inning would be huge for the Redbirds, and could help them steal Game 2 to take a 2-0 edge. There is no possible downside here.

Wrong. he did nothing. Rogers washed his hand, then pitched seven more lights out innings to help Detroit even the Series. It's obvious that Mr. Roaster ("the wood makes it good") must have the pine tar in other places, in addition to his smudged hand, right?

This can only mean one thing - LaRussa didn't want to rock the boat. What would be his rationale for doing nothing, you ask? Simple - one of his guys must be doing something as well. I'm guessing Jeff Suppan. As a Met fan, this theory makes even more sense. How did this guy suddenly become so unhittable, much like Rogers?

I can't wait to see FOX CrotchCam (tm) during Game 4, to see what Suppan has up his sleeve...or under his cap...or under his belt.

NFL Picks - Week 7

2006-10-22T09:21:00.001-04:00

Reality check last week, as it took the ridiculous collapse by Arizona, or the amazing comeback by Chicago, depending on your take, to salvage a 7-6 week. This week sees some truly nasty matchups (Arizona-Oakland, for instance), as well as a few potential upsets. On to the selections:

KANSAS CITY over San Diego
At first glance, this looks ot be a complete mismatch. The Chiefs are coming home after being throroughly dismantled in Pittsburgh last week, while the Bolts put up 48 points at San Fran. KC will rebound, at home, and slip past Schottenheimer’s gang. I have no reason to say so, just a hunch.
Kansas City 26 San Diego 24

Jacksonville over HOUSTON
Jags defense will set the tone, and the ball control offense will keep the game in check. Texans will not be able to keep pace, and Jacksonville should take this one rather easily.
Jacksonville 27 Houston 7

Carolina over CINCINNATI
Mild upset here, and the Panthers have proven time and time again they can win on the road against good teams. Bengals are a little vulnerable, and with some problems protecting Carson Palmer, could be in for a tough afternoon.
Carolina 20 Cincinnati 14

NY JETS over Detroit
Jets have a disturbing habit of letting teams back into games after grabbing nice leads, but it has yet to cost them. Lions defense is just not getting it done so far, and I can’t see them slowing down the Jet rushing game, which will lead to good playu action opportunities for Chad Pennington.
NY Jets 31 Detroit 19

MIAMI over Green Bay
An extra week of preparation for Joey Harrington, plus a decent defensive effort, should be enough for the disappointing Fins to get past the woeful Pack. Aaron Rodgers countdown underway yet?
Miami 23 Green Bay 10

New England over BUFFALO
Pats too tough to look past Bills, who had NE beat in Week One, only to falter late. Pats should put together one of their trademark grind-it-out games, and prevail, albeit unimpressively.
New England 19 Buffalo 6

TAMPA BAY over Philadelphia
Upset special. Bucs have shown some spark in recent weeks, with Bruce Gradkowski leading the way. Eagles travel to another tough venue after being in New Orleans last week, and I mentioned in this space last week how the defense seems to surrender a good amount of points.
Tampa Bay 27 Philadelphia 20

ATLANTA over Pittsburgh
Picking Atlanta is a total crapshoot. Which team will show up – the one that averaged over 200 yards rushing over the first few weeks, or the inepot bunch which couldn’t do squat against the Saints? The guess here says this week, Jim Mora’s bunch puts together a solid effort at home, and has enough to get by the Steelers. Despite impressive win last week over KC, there is still something a little off about Pittsburgh, and I can see them falling here.
Atlanta 23 Pittsburgh 17

CLEVELAND over Denver
Okay, this is the real Upset Special. Denver defense has been phenomenal, but the offense has been borderline inept. Dawg Pound will be in full force, and Romeo Crennel is savvy enough to have his defense fired up to shut down Jake Plummer. The pick here says that the Brownies find a way to score just enough to escape with a W.
Cleveland 12 Denver 10

Arizona over OAKLAND
Cardinals can go one of two ways after the Monday Night Meltdown: 1.) Get so angry and focused, they destroy the hapless Raiders, or 2.) Wallow in self pity and self doubt, and get knocked silly by a crappy team. I’m going with number 1 – the Arizona defense should have more than enough to shutdown the Raiders, and the Oakland fans can get a good up-close look at the player they should have taken in the first round, Matt Leinart.
Arizona 23 Oakland 3

SEATTLE over Minnesota
Gutsy win last week by Seattle, and now they’re back home. Despite lack of running game, the Hawks should be able to skate by the Vikings, who have struggled all year to be consistent on offense. This is not the week they’ll hit their stride.
Seattle 30 Minnesota 17

INDIANAPOLIS over Washington
The only way the Skins can keep this close is by taking the air out of the ball, and trying to exploit Indy’s weak rushing defense, also keeping Peyton and Co. on the sidelines. I can still see the Colts pulling it out, since Manning can exploit the injured Washington secondary. This one could be one of the best games of the week.
Indianapolis 20 Washington 17

DALLAS over NY Giants
Cowboys are a much better team at home, and the G-Men are coming off two sold defensive efforts. Dallas should have enough in the tank to sneak past Big Blue in the Monday Nighter. I’m not sure how the Tiki Barber news will affect this team, as the timing of it seems very peculiar. Why now, Tiki? The team is finally playing well, and seems to have rebounded nicely from the debacle in Seattle, and you throw this out there? Is it a contract ploy? Weird.
Dallas 20 NY Giants 17

Last week: 7-6
Overall: 60-27 (68.9%)